


the devil in you

by sugarnation



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: M/M, fuckboy xukun chruch boy zhengting this is gonna be thrilling and dangerous BRING HOLY WATER
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-09 22:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 24,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15277857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarnation/pseuds/sugarnation
Summary: cai xukun is the school’s fuckboy, zhu zhengting is a quiet church boy, but what if behind the curtains the saint is a sinner more than the sinner himself?





	1. the sinner and the saint

**Author's Note:**

> the idea is from the legend @zhuzhenkink on twitter

“sinner,” zhengting mumbled under his breath when he saw cai xukun kissing some poor boy who he was gonna leave the next day, zhengting looked away from the mess in front of him and continued to walk home alongside wenjun.

“he’s never gonna change,” wenjun shook his head slowly regarding xukun, the biggest fuckboy in school and probably town. 

when they reached zhengting’s porch, wenjun waved goodbye at zhengting telling him they would meet the next day at school.

zhengting walked inside his house to find his mother reading a book, _”did you go to church?”_ she asked everyday like religious ritual. 

“yes,” zhengting answered and left to his room to change, he pulled out new clean clothes after he took a shower, carefully placing his cross necklace on his chest, _to be always blessed, to never be a sinner like cai xukun._ that was what his father said when he was informed there was a sinner in his son’s school, he wasn’t scared that his son would ever get affected by the devil that was roaming around the town, because zhengting was a saint protected by the angels, and god. 

he heard three knocks on the door before his littler sister chengxiao opened it. “mother says don’t forget to read the bible before you sleep.” 

zhengting nodded. “I will not.” 

and he indeed wouldn’t forget, he opened the bible and started to read. 

 

_Ephesians 5:11_  
_do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;_

_expose them._

zhengting closed the bible and placed it beside his bed, the word _expose_ lingering on his mind. 

_how could someone expose themselves?_

 

zhengting walked to school, books hugged tight to his chest, head looking straight like he was in some army, he was walking peacefully until he heard the voice of an annoying someone. 

“hey zhu!” xukun yelled behind zhengting. “still don’t wanna be a sinner? your father might kill you?” 

zhengting closed his eyes trying to shut out this _fuc-_ annoying person. 

“what do you want?” zhengting gave xukun a bored look.

“have some fun?” xukun looked back at the guy who looked like an angel god sent to earth, white shirt so clean, white skin so fair. “when will you let loose zhengting?”

“in heaven.” zhengting said before walking away so fast. 

_if only anybody knew._

 

after three classes, zhengting walked alone to the cafeteria, wenjun decided to go study in the library, which didn’t affect zhengting in any way, he loved being alone more than anything, because that was when his true self showed up, _in his mind only._

he pulled out his sandwich from his bag and started eating quietly, looking at the students around him, there was justin and chengcheng, a very famous couple in their school, zhengting stared at them a smile spread slowly on his face when he saw justin feeding chengcheng, but he looked away immediately wiping the smile off his own face. 

“hello zhengting!” lin huiyin greeted zhengting, zhengting immediately stood up and greeted her back, she was so much like zhengting, _at least from the outside._ church girl, actually the priest’s daughter, who zhengting was told he was gonna marry when they became adults, to continue bringing saints to earth and raise their children religiously and respectfully, huiyin liked zhengting so much, she already painted her beautiful future with him, while zhengting... didn’t, he liked her as a sister and was forced to spend time with her because of the relationship between both families.

“are you gonna go to church today?” she asked and zhengting _almost,_ rolled his eyes, he stopped himself and straightened his back. 

“I go to church everyday, huiyin.” he said with a tone that stated the obvious.

“I mean, shall we go together today?” she mumbled and zhengting nodded fast trying to send her away so he could spend more time with himself, she said goodbye and that they will meet after school, zhengting quickly got back to his previous seat and opened his bible when he noticed huiyin staring at him from her table, he just looked at the words, not reading, pretending to read, pretending to memorize the rules that will send him to heaven and save his life, pretending to be perfect for the sake of it, for the sake of huiyin going back to her parents and telling them how perfect zhu zhengting was, reading the bible in the cafeteria.

 _when he might just wanted to go to hell instead._

 

after school zhengting walked with huiyin to church, a smile plastered on his face as she told him about her day in school, that she got a full mark in her biology test, and that yesterday she read the bible until she fell asleep. zhengting was uninterested but he never showed it. 

“zhu zhengting,” the same damn annoying voice spoke, zhengting walked but huiyin looked at where the voice was coming from. “soooo are you getting religious pussy?” xukun laughed and huiyin’s eyes went wide with tears slowly gathering, she closed her ears, not being able to hear such sinful words being thrown out so carelessly.

zhengting approached xukun so fast. “stop this before I make you regret it.” he spoke, his voice sounding deeper than ever, _threatening._

“what? are you gonna pray to god to take my soul?” xukun laughed placing his hand on zhengting’s cheeks, before he could keep it there for another second zhengting held his arm and twisted it, making sure huiyin wasn’t looking. 

“no, I can do better than praying to a god up there to do my work, when I’m the one on earth.” zhengting whispered for only xukun to hear, xukun gulped completely scared of the look and smirk on zhengting’s face, _he looked creepy,_ xukun wasn’t used to him being more than an obedient kid who loved his religion more than anything, these words that came out of his mouth didn’t sound like something a religious person would say. 

xukun snatched his arm from zhengting’s bruising grip. “you are definitely someone that isn’t zhu zhengting.” he said before he walked away.

zhengting walked back to huiyin who still had her hands covering her ears, eyes closed and crying. 

“don’t cry, let’s go to church,” zhengting said as he continued walking, huiyin following behind him shortly.

“I never heard words like these in my life!” she sobbed and zhengting wanted to tell her to suck it up, she wasn’t a little kid.

“not everyone is like _us_.” maybe that was the best thing to say to comfort her.

 

after the very long day ended, zhengting went back home, his mother asking the same question, him answering the same _yes_. 

zhengting laid in his bed, eyes closed, mind crying for help, and soul threatening to scream, the room was suddenly choking him with the crosses hung up everywhere in his room, he heard voices calling him a sinner, _and maybe he liked it, maybe he liked being different.  
_

when chengxiao came to remind him of the usual he just nodded.

_he didn’t open his bible that day, because there was no need to pretend when he was alone._


	2. going crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zhengting was corrupted by a devil in the name of a human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOME BACK! this chapter is called going crazy because of exo’s song... you will find out when you read ;)

xukun stared at the purple bruise on his arm caused by zhengting’s tight grip, he didn’t care about the pain but he cared about his pride, so he waited for zhengting to show up to school so he could confront him about it. he saw zhengting walking alone, books held so tightly, face so straight, xukun ran towards him. 

“hello baby,” xukun said to piss zhengting off, but to his surprise zhengting didn’t glare at him, and looked at his bruised arm.

“did you like your bruise?” zhengting raised his eyebrow. “are you here because you want more?” 

xukun stared at zhengting, mouth wide open at the words he heard. “are you possessed zhu zhengting?” 

zhengting laughed, _possessed_ maybe he was, right? 

“no, devils don’t like saints.” zhengting whispered with a smirk on his very beautiful face. “or maybe I’m an exception?”

for the whole two years xukun had annoyed zhengting, he never heard him talk like that, and the sudden change scared him to no limits.

“did you finally go insane?” xukun questioned zhengting who gave him one last blank look and walked away. 

_he went crazy._ xukun looked at zhengting walking away.

 

xukun decided that he still needed to know what the hell was wrong with zhengting, so he went to zhengting’s house, a lollipop in his mouth, already anticipating seeing zhengting again, to his luck zhengting was outside holding grocery bags. 

“zhu! are you still possessed?” xukun laughed when zhengting’s eyes were surprised to see him. 

“fuck off.” zhengting said after looking around him to check if anybody was there. 

“you curse now too? what the fuck!” xukun looked at zhengting to see if he was alright. “what is happening to yo-“

“what are you doing here!” zhengting’s father came running outside. 

“trying to talk to your freaky son!” xukun yelled back. “look at what he did to my arm!” xukun exposed the purple bruise on his flesh.

“you are accusing me now?” zhengting gasped. “I will pray for you, may god guide you back to him!” 

“my son would never do that, go away!” 

xukun stared at zhengting like he was crazy, _no-_ zhengting was indeed fucking crazy, did he have split personalities now? was he hiding something? 

“you are fucking crazy,” xukun looked at zhengting who was pretending to be innocent now.

“don’t you dare say those words in front of my son!” zhengting’s father was raging.

 _he just said these words before you came._ xukun wanted to say but he decided he must leave before he became crazy too. 

 

xukun immediately went to ziyi’s house after the incident he faced, something was definitely wrong but he didn’t know what the hell was it.

“hello,” ziyi opened the door a smile on his handsome face, xukun immediately went in knowing that ziyi’s parents had travelled to work, and he couldn’t be more glad that ziyi was a lone child.

“ziyi I’m going fucking crazy!” xukun laid on the couch feeling like he could choke zhu zhengting.

“hey, no need to be stressed about anything.” ziyi had brought drinks and cigarettes to smoke with xukun, to make him less stressed.

xukun smiled deciding to forget about that weird ass possessed church boy. 

 

it was the weekend, meaning that another party would be thrown and xukun had to attend it, he walked along with ziyi to zhou yanchen’s house, the best parties were always his, everyone was thrilled to attend them. when xukun had reached, yanchen greeted him with a kiss, it was something usual between them, after all they were fuck buddies.

“ziyi is here too!” yanchen winked at ziyi who was a little bit high. 

everyone gathered around xukun asking him to dance with them, he smiled at a group of girls and they all squealed and screamed at the action, some guy offered him a drink and he took it, it tasted like shit and xukun was already feeling like he could empty his stomach, so he shrugged off the bodies holding onto him and ran to the bathroom, he bumped into someone and he almost cursed loudly before he looked up to see that the guy was wearing a black mask and and hoodie, xukun stared at the eyes and he gasped. 

“ZH-“

“shut the fuck up!” zhengting hissed covering xukun’s mouth.

“what the hell!” xukun yelled pushing zhengting away. “why are you here?”

“to bless this place and make sure nobody sins,” zhengting said in a serious tone while obviously kidding.

“really?” xukun gaped.

“no dumbass!” zhengting was convinced xukun was dumb to believe what he said. “I’m here to have fun, drink, have some sex!” 

xukun choked on air, there was no way zhengting was being serious, _right?_

“zhengting what the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“say my name once again and I will make sure that you will never be able to talk in your life,” zhengting hissed and xukun gulped, zhengting dragged xukun to the bathroom and closed the door. 

“fucking fine,” zhengting took off his mask and stared at xukun. “wanna know what’s wrong with me?” xukun nodded eagerly.

“I’m not a fucking saint like I claim to be okay?” zhengting hissed the word _saint._ ”I used to be, but now I’m no longer one, I’m just faking everything.”

“why?” xukun continued to stare at zhengting like he was an alien.

“people fucking change xukun,” zhengting cursed. “so you better take this secret to your grave.” 

“f-fine.” xukun nodded still not believing what he heard, the biggest church boy in their school, and the most obedient saint wasn’t what everybody thought he was. 

“how do you have sex with anyone while hiding your identity?” xukun questioned with a laugh. 

“would you mind a guy hiding his face but still making you feel good?” zhengting raised an eyebrow. 

xukun gulped again, _no._

“you are weird.” xukun mumbled before he felt like his stomach is aching him so much.

“and you look pale,” zhengting eyed him before xukun threw up on himself and zhengting.

“YOU DUMBASS!” zhengting yelled with a disgusted look, he quickly pulled a towel to clean himself and threw it at xukun who was still throwing up on the ground, zhengting washed his hands quickly before putting his mask on his face again and leaving xukun who was a throwing up mess behind him. 

when he reached home, he sneaked back into his room through their garden, he was thankful that his room was on the first floor otherwise he would never be able to sneak out, he showered and cleaned himself, something he did after every party he attended mysteriously, he sat back and thought about everything, where it all started, where it all lead him to today.

 

_kim jongin the university student who was more than good looking to not stare at, more than attractive to just pass by him and not spare him another glance. zhengting had been a saint until he saw him, until he experienced what it was to be kim jongin’s. he lived next to zhengting’s house, said hello to him each time zhengting saw him watering the plants on his porch, zhengting had been interested in his new neighbor, from the way he walked to the way he smiled and spoke broken chinese, zhengting found it adorable, his heart fluttered every time he saw jongin studying on his balcony, glasses low on his perfect nose, shirt wide open because it was july and the sun was too hot for everyone but especially hot for jongin, skin glowing like gold, zhengting was greedy for a taste... he was scared by the amount of feelings he had for this guy, was it okay? was it forbidden? of course it was, but regret could no longer be felt when one day zhengting was under jongin in one of the very couches in jongin’s house, they were just reading the bible because jongin wanted to know more about religion, why were they suddenly fucking now? why was zhengting’s first time taken by this guy who was leaving to his own country soon? zhengting cried because of guilt and jongin told him he wasn’t a sinner, told him he was a very good boy, my very good boy, jongin always whispered at zhengting, petting his head and kissing his lips too many times... for one year zhengting was pretending to teach jongin about religion when in fact jongin was teaching him how to sin. when jongin went back to his country zhengting was only left with the ghost touches jongin’s fingers used to place on his body, and the shadow of jongin’s pretty lips everywhere on his skin, he was ruined and changed, he was a sinner, a very bad boy._

_“I’m proud of you,” his father had told him because he taught jongin more about religion before the university guy could leave their town... he was oblivious to the fact that his son was corrupted until his last breath by the same guy._

everyday zhengting would look at the house jongin used to live in, feeling guilt, pain and even pleasure when he remembered the god like guy who stole his sanity, zhengting could be crazy now for not going back to the way he was, he was in too deep to even think of going back, _he sank in sins._

it has been a year since jongin left, and for two whole years now zhengting had been living two lives, the saint and the sinner, _he was both,_ he was so skilled that nobody would ever know he was pretending. 

 

_not even himself sometimes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kim jongin is a devil indeed... what do you think of the way zhengting changed? talk to me about the chapter in the comments and twitter: @leaderzting


	3. demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zhengting facing his demons and xukun trying to get into his world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS INTENSE! good luck

it was sunday, the zhu family walked to the church together, zhengting holding his bible to his chest, cross hanging on his neck, looking like he always did, _a pure saint._ he glanced at jongin’s house for a second but decided to not think any further of him. 

xukun saw him, he almost called his name but he didn’t because zhengting was with his family, zhengting was the saint now, xukun almost went crazy at the words zhengting told him, at the very big secret that zhengting exposed to him.

xukun thought about what might happen to zhengting if his family found out about his reality, if they knew he was lying, _would they kill him? disown him?_

zhengting glanced at xukun who was across the street staring at him, he didn’t spare him another glance because zhengting didn’t care about him, if xukun spilled his secret to anyone, zhengting knew he would be punished, _badly_ but he didn’t care too, he had nothing to worry about, nothing to leave behind, the most could happen was that he could die, which didn’t sound too bad for him because maybe then all this pretending could end, he might still receive his punishment by god, _did he even believe in god?_

zhengting hated this town, it was dark and twisted like his soul, why did he change? why did the devil possess his soul, claiming him to be one of his sinners, why did zhengting ever choose to try everything that was forbidden, why was he curious, why did jongin ever enter his life? _why why why why..._

zhengting inhaled the familiar scented candles in the church, a smell that told him to get the fuck out because he didn’t belong there with everyone who devoted their souls to god, while his soul was no longer like it used to be. 

they were singing a hymn zhengting had memorized by heart, zhengting sang the words like they were all he ever spoke, huiyin next to him looking extremely perfect to be here, inside and outside, zhengting knew she was better than him, but fuck being the best, why the hell did he want to fucking get out of here, curse everyone, and tell them to leave him alone? 

zhengting felt like he was being choked, maybe these were the angels already giving him his punishment. he couldn’t breathe, did he fall to the ground? was he gonna faint? 

“zhengting!” his mother rushed to him. “oh god! what is happening to my son!”

“I need... air.” zhengting choked out the words.

 

he was in bed, he heard huiyin talking next to him, _what was she saying?_ zhengting focused on her blurred words.

_”lord, your word speaks promises of healing and restoration and I thank you for the miracles you still perform today. today I claim those promises over zhengting. I believe in the healing power of faith and prayer and I ask you to begin your mighty work in the life of zhengting. please reach down and surround zhengting with supernatural peace and strength and give him the faith to believe that all things are possible for you. protect him from satan’s lies and discouragement and let his miraculous healing begin. amen.”_

zhengting started shaking, feeling like he wanted to yell, to run away from this house, town, country, could he disappear?

“zhengting are you awake?” huiyin gasped. “thank god!”

“g-get out.” zhengting mumbled but huiyin brought him a glass of water.

“this is holy water, drink up.” she placed the glass carefully close to his lips.

he was too thirsty, he gulped the water so fast, and it felt like he drank burning fire, his chest ached so much, zhengting clutched his bed sheets.

“I want to change, please leave.” he whispered and huiyin nodded shakily and left, closing the door behind her.

zhengting stood up, looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn’t see anything but a ruined person, _was he ruined or free?_ his thoughts were his own demons, he didn’t feel like this in months, was he really doing the wrong thing when he decided to go against his previous beliefs? was he missing a certain feeling he used to have before? now he was just a feelingless wreck.

zhengting took his jacket and left his room, his family questioned his actions but he promised he felt better and he wanted to take a walk. 

the sky was dark, he could see the church on the opposite street a little farther, jongin’s house abandoned and dark, he walked the opposite direction so fast to nowhere exactly. 

_nothing is wrong with me._ zhengting assured himself as he took a seat in the isolated park. 

he heard footsteps but didn’t even look, because he didn’t care about the other human being or probably ghost walking. 

“you look miserable.” xukun spoke, and zhengting wished it was a ghost instead.

“leave,” zhengting leaned back in his seat still not looking at the guy standing next to him.

“I don’t want to,” xukun sat next to him. “what are you gonna do about it?” 

zhengting glanced at him for half a second before standing up ready to leave, but xukun pulled him down by his wrist.

“don’t go.” xukun said.

“I want to be alone,” zhengting spat his words.

“you are always alone!” xukun argued. “except for the two seconds you spend with wenjun.” 

“why the fuck does it matter?” zhengting was now glaring at xukun like he could just kill him on the spot.

“will you fucking chill for once?” xukun said calmly. “why do you act so mysterious all the damn time?” 

“you ask so many questions,” zhengting rolled his eyes.

“could you just open up about your true self?” xukun looked at him with sympathy and zhengting felt like he could hit him, he didn’t want anybody’s sympathies. “zhengting turns out we are both alike.”

in one second zhengting had a tight grip on xukun’s neck, choking him. “don’t you dare compare me to you, you fucking piece of dirt.”

xukun pushed him and coughed wildly. “you are fucking sick! you pretend you’re fucking good but in reality you’re just as dirty as me!” 

“shut the fuck up.” zhengting hissed, heart beating so fast, adrenaline rushing everywhere in his body, _he could break a wall._

“yes, church boy is actually a fucking sinner! he had been calling me a sinner all the damn time when he is one himself!” xukun stood up and yelled so loud, anybody who was in the street could hear. 

“shut up!” zhengting yelled louder. “you don’t fucking know anything about me! I’m fucking suffering!” zhengting was crying as he pushed xukun.

“why zhengting just why did you turn out like that?” xukun asked harshly feeling sorry for the guy in front of him, it would have been better if he had just been the real church boy he claimed to be, if he just fit in whatever standards his family had. 

“I feel like my soul is leaving my body being replaced with a fucking ghost that’s corrupting me, ah I feel so good when I’m bad! it’s so nice to live on the edge, to live like I’m gonna die tomorrow, what will my father do if he found out I was worse than you?” zhengting laughed and xukun felt like zhengting was really going insane. “ah! my son my very obedient son fucks people! my very saint zhengting doesn’t believe in god! let’s just let him be! we shouldn’t punish him or kill him!” 

“zhengting I’m sorry, calm down.” xukun whispered at the guy who was laughing and crying all at once.

“do you want to experience being me?” zhengting touched xukun’s face bringing him closer, staring at his eyes like he could see through him, lips one inch apart. “do you want to be in my world? the world of devils and angels fighting for my soul? do you want to be so confused you just want to die? tell me xukun,” zhengting whispered breathily against xukun’s face, looking at him like he wanted him to just say yes because zhengting was scared of facing his demons alone, xukun shook his head slowly. “then stop bothering me, stop showing up to provoke the sanity out of me, you called me church boy all your life, don’t let me show you what church boys can do.” 

xukun felt shivers, feeling like whatever was in zhengting was toying with him, zhengting looked psychotic, like the devil was him and only him, his eyes were burning xukun who thought he might had been wrong for ever crossing paths with zhengting, should he run or stay? xukun knew zhengting had faced something so hard to turn out like that, he somehow wanted to know what happened but he was too scared to get closer to the guy who was a burning flame now. 

xukun walked away leaving zhengting in the dark park alone, not glancing back at the guy who just made him feel like he was powerless, a scared child. zhengting now was everything that scared xukun, he should avoid him at all costs, unless if he wanted to play with fire.

 

_he might regret it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please talk to me about the devil in you in the comments and twitter I really love your interactions and it motivates me even more! I hope you guys are loving the daily uploads <3


	4. try me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xukun wants to try zhengting but he doesn’t know the real danger of being involved with him

zhengting looked at xukun who ignored him for the past two days, did he finally leave him alone after two years of constantly making fun of him and trying to fuck him? he knew he scared xukun away from him and he was glad that the fuckboy stopped annoying him.

xukun was sitting with ziyi and yanjun, ziyi was talking about how he had the best fuck ever in his life in yanchen’s last party, but xukun was in his own world staring at zhengting who was sitting faraway reading the bible, _pretending._

“who was it!” yanjun whined when ziyi kept telling him how good it felt.

“that’s the fucking problem!” ziyi smacked his own forehead. “I don’t know, he was wearing a face mask!” 

“you dumbass should have pulled it down!” yanjun groaned. “who even has sex with an anonymous guy!”

xukun heard something, _face mask?_

“FACE MASK?” xukun yelled, looking at ziyi like he had four eyes. “you fucked?” 

“yes bro and it was the best thing on earth!” 

xukun gulped at the thought of zhengting and ziyi fucking, all his life he imagined zhu zhengting was a virgin and he could be the first to fuck him, yes xukun did have fantasies about zhengting, almost everyone did, even his own friends, because zhengting was the prettiest guy in the whole town but everyone had no hopes with him because he was religious. xukun glanced at him, he still had his head buried in his bible. 

“why, do you know him?” yanjun asked curiously.

“no, no I don’t.” 

 

xukun ran after zhengting when he was leaving school. 

“zhengting wait!” he was out of breath when zhengting turned to look at him, eyes already hard on xukun. “do you know ziyi?” 

“who is that?” zhengting asked with a frown.

“wang ziyi! my best friend!” xukun was angry. “you fucked with him!” he said that sentence in the most hushed tone.

“and what about it?” zhengting asked.

“you can’t keep going to parties like this, ziyi wants to know who you are...” it was half the truth, xukun also wanted to experience whatever ziyi did, _he was jealous_ that the guy he chased for two whole years was having sex with anyone including his best friend but not him.

“worry about yourself.” zhengting told him before he started walking.

xukun looked at him fade away down the street, wondering why the hell did he want to chase him when zhengting looked like nothing but trouble. 

 

xukun couldn’t sleep at night, all he thought about was zhengting and wanting to get closer to him, yes he no longer cared about probably getting harmed by the weird church boy, he probably was gonna end up insane like zhengting himself but he liked the sound of getting dangerous with him and he loved the idea of being with zhengting even more. 

the next day at school xukun saw zhengting in the hallway while he was going to class, looking better than ever, all eyes slowly chasing after his body, even though he wasn’t wearing anything special, zhengting had always caught the eyes wherever he went, but he was a hopeless case to everyone except xukun who knew his reality.

xukun followed him because they had the first class together, the seat next to zhengting was almost always empty so xukun took the chance to place himself next to him. zhengting looked at him once before he completely ignored his existence.

“I’m here you know,” xukun looked at zhengting who was wearing specs that hung low on his nose. 

_”I don’t talk to sinners,”_ zhengting mumbled before he pulled his book out of his bag. xukun wanted to yell at him and tell him that he needed to drop the act with him because he was a sinner too but he stayed calm.

“then shall we find out who’s the biggest sinner between us?” xukun offered with a seductive voice, zhengting looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“do you want to try the church boy after your best friend told you how good it felt?” zhengting whispered looking straight in front of him.

“I wanted to try the church boy since forever,” xukun’s eyes were dark on zhengting’s side face, zhengting seemed calmer than ever as he drank in xukun’s words. 

“too bad I don’t wanna try you.” zhengting’s lips raised in a small smirk before he started writing the notes the teacher had written on the board.

xukun wanted to wash the smirk off his annoying face and kiss him so harshly and tell him to not ever fuck with anybody else, xukun wanted to fuck zhengting right there in front of everyone in class and show them how the church boy would respond to his touches, he wanted to pull out all the noises from zhengting’s lips, make everyone see how much of a whore zhengting actually was. 

 

_but he was actually the fucking devil._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was kind of the calm before the storm... you will love the next chapter so much ;) what do you think is gonna happen soon?


	5. I see you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongin was there before he became a memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a flashback

_june 4th 2016_

zhengting grabbed his bible as he rushed so fast to jongin’s house, jongin opened the door in a second before he pulled zhengting for a kiss. 

“jongin you need to close the door! what if somebody was passing by!” zhengting pushed the older guy as he rushed to lock the door.

“chill baby, I just missed you.” jongin pulled zhengting with him to sit on a couch, zhengting was in his lap, cheeks red like always, jongin staring at him like he could just stay like that for the rest of his life.

“what are you gonna teach me today?” jongin touched zhengting’s lips with his long slender fingers that did sinful acts to zhengting all the time. 

“that sinners go to hell, jongin.” zhengting closed his eyes as jongin continued to drag his fingers wherever he liked and pleased. 

“will you go to hell with me?” jongin whispered as he unbuttoned zhengting’s shirt and touched his chest and sensitive nipples softly, it was seconds before jongin would go hard on him, _zhengting knew._

“sounds romantic,” zhengting giggled and jongin smiled at him. 

“we could fuck each other for eternity.” jongin laid zhengting whose eyes were half closed, hazy, down. 

“you are going to leave soon,” zhengting mumbled. “so I would love to see you again in hell.” 

“you know I will miss you,” jongin kissed down his body. “I will come back for you one day.”

“no jongin you will not, you will be busy with all of the people who want you, sehun? kyungsoo? who will you choose?” zhengting looked away with tears threatening to fall.

“zhengting don’t bring them up when I’m with you.” jongin’s eyes hardened on the guy under him.

“I want you for me, always.” zhengting looked back at jongin, teeth gritted as he said those words. “if you ruined me then you have to stay.” 

“zhengting, I can’t.” jongin stood up as he clutched his head, zhengting was gonna give him a hard time about leaving.

“yes you can if you want,” zhengting half yelled. “look at me! I’m here and I’m a fucking sinner for everything you do jongin, I want to be the only guy you fuck and ruin so deeply, you have messed with me so take responsibility!” 

jongin looked at him with a dark gaze before he walked back slowly towards zhengting who was half naked. “you’re my sinner right?” 

“yes,” zhengting whispered breathlessly.

“then show me how much of a sinner you are for me baby,” jongin smiled as he caressed zhengting’s cheek. 

 

it always ended up with jongin in zhengting, flesh exposed, tears falling down, zhengting on his knees, jongin behind him treating him unmercifully, but zhengting had to take it because he loved it, he loved when jongin choked him as he whispered the dirtiest secrets in his ears that listened so carefully, it was even better when jongin didn’t shush his moans and let him yell on the top of his lungs feeling dangerous because the neighbors might hear, his own family might hear.

 _”you’re so good to me,”_ jongin would moan a whisper and zhengting would smile because he loved it when jongin moaned in pleasure because of him. 

“jongin,” zhengting gulped when jongin flipped him and laid on top of him. “jongin I-“

“hmm baby?” the devil continued to work on making zhengting lose his mind, the sound of flesh slapping on flesh was louder than church bells on a sunday morning.

“jongin,” zhengting cried as he clutched on jongin’s body, he was teasing him and zhengting couldn’t handle it. 

_”I love it when you can’t say anything but my name.”_ jongin smirked as he shushed the crying mess under him with a wet kiss. 

“please let me come,” zhengting closed his eyes as he begged sounding so pathetic yet filthy, everything like jongin loved. 

“promise you will remember this even when I’m gone,” jongin wanted to carve this sinful memory into zhengting’s mind, so it could haunt him forever. 

zhengting cried again at the word _leave_ but he promised so faithfully that he would remember, that he would love jongin even when he was a body that lived faraway but a shadow that stayed in his body, making him feel like he was in heaven when in fact this was hell, they will end up in hell, jongin leaving was hell and zhengting crying was hell. 

“I promise,” zhengting sobbed and jongin kissed away his tears as he worked on pulling out the very last drop of pleasure out of his very good boy. 

_soon it was all gonna be past when zhengting saw and felt jongin so clearly before he turned into a blurry memory._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JONGIN YOU DEVIL... zhengting doesn’t deserve to be left like that... but here’s the jongin x zhengting you guys wanted so tell me how do you feel about it! remember to interact with me about the fanfic because I really love seeing yalls reactions


	6. prisoner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what’s on top stays on top

xukun pulled zhengting behind a wall in one of the school’s corridors.

“fucking hell xukun do you want me to kill you?” zhengting hissed at him.

“why are you acting like this?” xukun glared. “you’re so fucking annoying!”

“you are the one who won’t leave my ass alone! what do you fucking want?” zhengting pushed xukun who was shaking with anger.

“you treat me like shit!” xukun half yelled. “instead of thanking me for protecting your secret!” 

“I didn’t ask you to protect my secret! go and tell everyone I don’t care!” 

_”what secret?”_ fan chengcheng asked, justin beside him, both of their eyes wide at the fight they heard going on between zhengting and xukun.

“none of your business!” xukun yelled at the younger guys.

“chill! we just were here and you guys were fighting!” justin rolled his eyes before he pulled chengcheng along and left. 

zhengting looked back at xukun. “when are you gonna stop being a dumbass?” 

“when you stop hating me,” xukun mumbled. “come hangout with me tonight, let’s talk like normal people do.”

zhengting thought for a second before he nodded. “fine, I’m coming because I want to not because you want me to.”

 

after church and meeting up with huiyin zhengting walked to xukun’s house, it was in another neighborhood in the town, in a place that was more shabby.

zhengting wanted to ring the bell but xukun opened the door before zhengting could. 

“come i-“ xukun said but zhengting walked in before xukun continued inviting him in. _rude_ xukun thought.

“take a seat,” xukun rolled his eyes at zhengting who was already seated in the living room with a smirk on his face.

“so what are we gonna do?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

xukun didn’t plan anything he just wanted to hangout with him.

“uuh do you smoke?” xukun suddenly asked.

“I do whatever,” zhengting shrugged sitting with his legs open, face so smug _like he had the biggest dick energy_ xukun looked away with a gulp before he threw a cigarettes pack at him, zhengting pulled out one cigarette and started taking hits after he lit it up.

“are you alone here?” zhengting asked xukun who was sitting across him now.

“I’m always alone here,” xukun scoffed. “my mother left when I was twelve and my father is an alcoholic, I don’t know where the fuck he is now but the last time I saw him was two weeks ago.” 

zhengting observed xukun who was smoking and fiddling with the rips at his jeans, maybe both of them had problems bigger than them, so zhengting stared at the troubled guy across him and the troubled guy stared back. 

zhengting stood up and walked towards where xukun was sitting, he brought his face closer to xukun’s before he whispered with his breath smelling like the cigarette he was smoking. “It’s getting boring what shall we do, xukun?” 

with eyes looking back like knives xukun whispered back. “since I know your secret shall we take advantage of that?” 

“hmm, and how is that?” zhengting sat in xukun’s lap. 

“I could fuck you right here, make you forget the last verses of the bible you had memorized, maybe have those cute lips of yours scream for me to never stop.” xukun touched zhengting’s lips, eyes already fucking the pretty guy above him. 

zhengting laughed, so loud. and xukun glared at him feeling like he could pin him down and start doing whatever he said a second ago but zhengting shook his head, eyes slowly getting darker, fingers creeping up xukun’s neck to keep him in place, digging into the flesh to remind xukun of something he didn’t know.

“that would be boring right?” zhengting looked all over xukun’s face, xukun was trying to fight back the devil that was slowly trying to dominate him. “xukun the usual is so boring, don’t you like something new? painful? dangerous?” zhengting’s smirk only grew bigger at each word he stated. “don’t you like to try another taste? baby let me know.” xukun flinched at the way he was being talked to, he shook his head furiously before he pinned zhengting under him.

“no zhengting, not with me.” xukun let out, chest heaving and eyes full of fear that zhengting could read, it only made him enjoy all of this more.

“it’s either you’re under me or it’s nothing,” zhengting whispered, hand creeping down to xukun’s crotch and palming the flesh harshly, xukun moaned loudly stumbling back allowing zhengting to get on top of him again. “it’s good right baby? do you want to be fucked so harshly that you forget all of your fuck toys before me?” xukun moaned louder feeling like he was insane for loving how zhengting was treating him, taking control of him, xukun wanted to yell and run away but he somehow was paralyzed.

“zhengting,” he groaned under his breath. 

“what baby?” zhengting smirked as he continued to touch xukun everywhere it affected him. 

“zhengting I-“ xukun’s breath was ragged, chest wildly rising up and down. 

_”I love it when you can’t say anything but my name.”_ zhengting repeated the words jongin once had told him. 

“do something, anything.” xukun begged insanely like he was possessed by the weakest ghost that surrendered to the most powerful force. 

“that was a lesson for you,” zhengting stood up from the mess under him, xukun looked so damn fucked and zhengting liked watching him suffer. “I have to go now.” zhengting smiled before he left.

 

 _”FUCK YOU ZHU ZHENGTING!”_ xukun yelled so loud, for everyone to hear even for zhengting who was walking back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was intense... the whole fanfic is intense tbh... the next chapters are very eventful but don’t forget to always interact with me about the devil in you


	7. lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> school trip and a very lonely zhengting

_school trips_ are very boring for zhengting who only sat next to huiyin in the long ass ride to whatever camp they were going to, the bus so loud with all the seniors in the back screaming, chatting and singing... zhengting felt lonely, he wished he could join them, but his cover would be blown, so he sat there silently next to huiyin pretending that he was asleep because he didn’t feel like listening to any religious talk. 

yanchen was stripping in the back and everyone was yelling about his abs, the teacher screamed at him to put back his clothes, the girls and gays whined and protested. ding zeren, huang xinchun, and most of the guys in the back were zhengting’s childhood friends, but as they grew up they all left him because everything was prohibited for him, he only ended up with wenjun being a casual friend that he talked to from time to time. _zhengting was lonely,_ but when he looked at cai xukun he felt like he wasn’t so lonely, someone in the world finally knew his secret, someone knew him. 

_two hours._ zhengting counted down the time to reach their destination when they took a break to buy food and drinks, students left the bus including huiyin, but zhengting stayed still, not feeling like he could endure anymore noise or seeing anybody surrounded by people except him. 

“zhu,” he heard xukun whisper as if he didn’t wanna bother him, zhengting looked up to see xukun holding a slice of pizza. “take this, you didn’t eat anything since we got on the bus.”

“thanks,” zhengting nodded taking the slice even though he felt like he could throw up any moment from the mess he was feeling inside him. on this certain day he felt lonelier than ever. _july 19th was the day jongin left him forever,_ zhengting felt tears threatening to fall and xukun noticed the sudden change in his expressions.

“what’s wrong-“ xukun asked but was cut off with huiyin’s very annoying voice.

“zhengting I got you water,” huiyin gave xukun a weird look before he left, he wanted to tell her to fuck off because he wanted to sit next to zhengting and try his luck with him and see if he wanted to tell him what was wrong with him, because the look on zhengting’s face really made his heart hurt even though zhengting was nothing but evil to him, _he still didn’t forget the incident in his house._ xukun wanted the guy to open up more about his feelings and probably save zhengting from himself.

“why was he talking to you?” huiyin asked worriedly.

“I don’t know,” zhengting sighed before he sank in his own thoughts, huiyin still talking but he didn’t care, the pain inside him was too much to hold back, zhengting clenched his fists feeling bitter about everything jongin had promised him, _dumb naive stupid_ he cursed himself and regretted even coming to the trip when he felt like yelling and crying alone, he sobbed and huiyin noticed.

“zhengting what’s wrong!” 

_”everything is wrong, I lost everything, jongin lied to me, I feel like I want to die, does anyone know how much I’m suffering? sorry I’m not perfect, I’m the worst person ever, why did I believe him? how do I delete a chapter of my life? I miss him... can someone please fucking help me, please.”_

zhengting wanted to yell those words out loud but he didn’t. “I’m fine just a little bit tired, I’ll get back to sleeping.” he mumbled.

 

“zhengting wake up,” huiyin whispered, and zhengting woke up from his very painful nap, he found out that they had reached so he stood up, stretched, grabbed his bag and left huiyin behind him. 

“wait for me!” zhengting ignored her, pretending that he didn’t hear.

the students clapped and yelled when they reached the camp, it was a nice place for chilling, if only zhengting wasn’t too troubled to think of actually having fun. 

the teacher started naming the roommates and xukun was nervously waiting for his name to be said with a certain person.

“lin yanjun and zhu zhengting in tent number 23.” 

zhengting started walking to his tent, _lin yanjun?_ he never talked to him but he was a hot guy, fuckboy as well but nothing that surpassed xukun.

 

xukun followed behind yanjun who was walking to tent 23.

“yanjun just switch with me!” xukun begged.

“who the hell wants to be paired with church boy?” yanjun said with a scoff.

“exactly! so just switch with me, my tent is bigger and you will be with ziyi and zhangjing!” xukun knew he won this when he mentioned zhangjing.

“fine.” 

 

“zhengting!” xukun said cheerfully when he entered the tent only to find zhengting laying on the mattress, eyes closed, limbs spread out like he was a dead corpse. 

“did you switch?” zhengting mumbled.

“uh yeah,” xukun placed his stuff on the ground. “what’s wrong?” 

“nothing is wrong.” zhengting turned his back to xukun. he was really acting weird, he was always teasing xukun and being sassy, but now he was quiet, sad, and his eyes were red like he was crying for the whole fifteen minutes he stayed in the tent alone while xukun was convincing yanjun to switch. 

_just what the hell is wrong with him_ xukun rubbed the back of his head looking at the quiet guy laying on the ground.

 

linong and zhangjing were singing some kind of love song that really didn’t fit for zhengting’s mood, bubbly, insanely sweet, happy love was something far from what he witnessed, so zhengting played with his marshmallow stick as he drew whatever shapes in the sand, the beach was close, he could hear the waves, and he could feel eyes boring into him.

_xukun’s._

everyone was talking and having fun, while zhengting only stared at the ground because he was different, he didn’t fit in with them, for everybody he fit in the church, but for himself he fit in whatever childish shit they were talking about. 

it was times like these that scared zhengting the most, when he felt lonely he could do anything in the world that definitely wasn’t like him, _he could get emotional._

so he stood up and left, he walked to wherever the waves sounded louder, until he reached the beach, zhengting sat on the sand as he looked at the dark water, was it darker than his thoughts? or his soul? or there was nothing darker than them both? 

he burst, he cried like he had bottled up for one year, he didn’t cry that hard on any other day, so he cried until his tears might have became part of the ocean he was looking at. 

“will you ever tell me what’s going on that mind of yours?” xukun sat next to him and zhengting was surprised, but he didn’t feel like he wanted xukun to go, he was even glad there was a human being talking to him now.

“no,” zhengting shook his head, tears still pouring like rainfall.

“I will just leave you alone then.” xukun stood up to leave. _alone?_ no no no no, zhengting immediately grabbed his hand. 

“I feel lonely,” he sobbed feeling weak again. “I’m scared.”

xukun sat back again as he looked at the leftovers of a guy in front of him. “just cry,” 

zhengting pulled xukun closer as he hugged him so tight, crumpling his hoodie with his fist, knuckles so white, bones so cold, and eyes bleeding tears nonstop.

_”just stay with me like that, only for tonight.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POOR BABY ZHENGTING :( what do you think of this new side of zhengting?


	8. 12 am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is it lust or love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kind of long and something you guys waited for so long...

zhengting woke up feeling like his eyes had bled the previous night, he looked over at xukun who was staring at him.

“it’s creepy to stare at people while they sleep,” he mumbled as he stretched his aching muscles.

“I only stare at you though.” zhengting rolled his eyes at the cheesy line xukun said.

he remembered last night how he cried in xukun’s arms and immediately regretted it. “let’s forget last night happened okay?”

“you make it sound like we had sex.” xukun chuckled as he teased zhengting.

“showing you my emotional side is worse than having sex with you.” zhengting snapped and xukun sighed.

“is it that bad to cry and be a human?” xukun raised an eyebrow at the standing guy now.

“for me, yes.” zhengting said before he left the tent.

 

the girls were playing beach volleyball while the guys were swimming, it was hot, the sunlight was creeping on zhengting’s skin as he swam alone, away from xukun and the other seniors, xukun couldn’t do anything more than stare at how beautiful he was, hair wet and skin so smooth under the water, the sun really did wonders to him, zhengting was beautiful but now he looked unbelievable, like an angel that came out of a fairytale.

“will you stop staring at zhu and have fun with us?” ziyi whined and xiaogui splashed water at both of them. 

“shut up.” xukun rolled his eyes annoyingly as he swam towards zhengting who had his eyes closed and was floating on the water.

“BOO!” xukun screamed to scare zhengting but he didn’t even flinch so xukun was extremely disappointed. “what are you doing?” 

“relaxing but you disturbed that.” zhengting stopped floating, and stood on his tiptoes because he wasn’t in very deep water, it reached his neck and xukun giggled at how cute he looked. 

“let’s have fun today.” xukun blurted out like it was a wish instead of a request.

“your friends are looking at you,” zhengting looked behind xukun to see a hundred pairs of eyes staring at the both of them.

“I will just tell them I was annoying you, which I really am.” xukun shrugged not wanting to leave zhengting alone. 

“whatever,” zhengting swam further and xukun followed him and stopped him by holding his hand underwater, xukun intertwined their fingers and zhengting’s eyes were wide.

“let me just hold your hand for a second, nobody is gonna see.” xukun closed his eyes feeling warm by the sunlight and zhengting. 

“what’s wrong with you xukun, you never were this romantic?” zhengting raised an eyebrow at xukun who looked equally beautiful to himself, zhengting could kiss him for no reason at all if they were alone, but they weren’t, yanchen was swimming towards them so zhengting pulled his hand away from xukun’s. 

“hello lover boys,” yanchen smirked. “xukun did you finally succeed to get into his pants after you switched your tent yesterday?” 

“shut up yanchen.” xukun was pissed as he looked over to see zhengting holding back from cursing yanchen. 

“if you excuse me, I will borrow my friend now.” yanchen told zhengting and dragged xukun who didn’t want to leave with him. 

zhengting watched them go before he closed his eyes and floated on the water again, he wanted xukun to stay, he wanted to have fun with xukun, maybe be nice to him for once, be his friend or whatever. 

_but not everything you want you get._

 

“it was so nice! and after that I went to buy sunscreen because I didn’t want my face to get burnt-“ zhengting stopped listening to huiyin mid talk but he continued to nod and smile as he stared at xukun on the other table, they were at a restaurant to eat lunch, zhengting was stuck with huiyin and her friends that she soon started talking to and stopped bothering zhengting. 

xukun was staring at zhengting and so was zhengting... zhengting looked at him like he could just ruin him there, to be honest, zhengting wanted xukun in more than one way, but he needed him the most to forget about his past, to be himself when he was with him. xukun wanted zhengting, all of him, not just to fuck, which was new to xukun, he always used people for known purposes, but with zhengting, he wanted to know him, love him, spend all his time with him, surrender to him, and be under him, _xukun wanted to be whatever zhengting wanted him to be._

they continued to stare at each other before xukun gave zhengting a sign to follow him to the restrooms. 

zhengting stood up and followed xukun after a minute, xukun was waiting for him and he was glad the place was empty. 

“you keep staring at me,” xukun stated when zhengting appeared.

“you do too.” zhengting shrugged like it was nothing.

“it’s making me uncomfortable.” xukun sighed in annoyance.

“why?” zhengting frowned.

“because it makes me want to be alone with you.” xukun walked closer to zhengting who towered two inches above him, but xukun felt like he was so much more smaller than zhengting when he stared at him with his sharp eyebrows and perfect face. 

“we are alone here, now.” zhengting stated the obvious.

“not like that! I wanna be alone with you for hours and hours, we could do whatever the fuck you want, do you want me to be under you? fine! can I just be more than someone who knows your secret?” xukun rambled like an insane guy as he looked at zhengting. “just let me know tonight about what do you want.” xukun stormed outside feeling no regrets because he said whatever was on his mind.

zhengting stayed there alone, feeling like xukun surrendering to him was like the past him when he gave all of himself to jongin, zhengting felt utterly confused by xukun, he was supposed to know his secret and shut up, zhengting was supposed to be an asshole to him, why the hell did xukun just give up so easily on whatever he wanted to please zhengting? 

when zhengting came back he didn’t look at xukun, he ate his food that tasted like poison, while his mind was completely crying from being too confused.

 

it was twelve, zhengting was asleep like every student should have been, it was curfew, but of course some students were still out and awake, _like xukun._

xukun stumbled in the tent, drunk as hell, he threw himself on zhengting who groaned at the heavy weight that was suddenly on him.

“zhuzhu wake up.” xukun cuddled his head into zhengting’s shoulder.

“what the hell!” zhengting pushed him but xukun only clenched on him tighter.

“cuddle me,” xukun whined as he looked at zhengting. “do you know you’re so beautiful?” he slurred his words.

“did you guys sneak alcohol into the camp?” zhengting held xukun’s face smelling his breath.

“yeah,” xukun nodded looking all over zhengting’s face. “zhengting,”

“yes?” he mumbled.

“can you like kiss me?” xukun whispered, his face was so red, hair a total mess, xukun was the cutest thing zhengting saw in a while. 

“whatever you want kun,” zhengting said after he thought for two minutes about xukun’s request, he pulled xukun by his neck to connect their lips together, xukun’s lips tasted like cheap alcohol but zhengting was used to everything that tasted bitter, zhengting bit on his lips and xukun let out a small noise at the action, zhengting switched their positions so xukun was under him.

“you’re so cute like that baby,” zhengting looked at xukun who was under him, again, his lips were already swollen, xukun grabbed zhengting to his body again. 

“since I’m cute like that, reward me.” xukun let out drunkenly. 

“kun you’re so much better as a bottom,” zhengting caressed his cheeks liking the way he was talking, and xukun loved it so damn much, he loved being like that, god it felt so amazing to hear zhengting talk like that, to feel his weight on himself like that. 

“fuck, I will be under you and only you.” xukun closed his eyes as zhengting kissed his neck and the bits of his exposed chest from the shirt that was unbuttoned in the right places.

“you better not get under anybody other than me,” zhengting spoke so possessively, so seductively.

“zhengting,” xukun moaned too low yet too needy.

“hmm?” 

“fuck me like you said you would,” xukun whispered in zhengting’s ear, triggering the devil in him.

_”whatever you want whore,”_

 

clothes were scattered everywhere along with the lube bottle they threw a second ago in the tiny space, zhengting had his hand on xukun’s mouth to cover the noises that slipped from him at the foreign feeling, _xukun normally fucked, but was never fucked._

“it feels good right?” zhengting whispered and xukun shut his eyes so tight as zhengting continued to fuck him and placing open mouthed wet kisses all over xukun’s skin. “fucking hell kun, that’s the tightest hole on earth.” zhengting moaned when xukun clenched tighter on him, _it was heavenly._

xukun was shaking badly, he was sober more than ever now, feeling like he was addicted to zhengting’s hips thrusting in him, never in his life he imagined someone would be inside him making him feel like that, but it was zhengting and he allowed him to do whatever to him, even if it was bad or harmful, xukun wanted it all, he wanted to be involved with zhengting in any way.

teachers were outside roaming around to make sure every student was inside their tent, they were soon gonna open their tent to check if they were inside. 

“fuck,” zhengting mumbled when he heard their footsteps getting closer. “baby you have five seconds to cum for me.” 

xukun nodded harshly as zhengting counted down the seconds and worked xukun to cum, when five was said out loud, xukun came with a hushed moan and fists holding so tight on the mattress. zhengting was on edge so he rushed his orgasm by going full speed on xukun who was being overstimulated, tears were pouring out of his eyes at the pain and pleasure when zhengting burst in him making him feel the warm liquid dripping slowly out of him.

“fucking hell,” zhengting took a deep breath before he stood up and covered xukun so fast with his blanket, zhengting rushed to the other mattress and covered himself too after he kicked their clothes and the bottle of lube under his big bag, it was two seconds before a teacher opened their tent to check if they were inside, they both had their eyes closed even though the tiny place smelled like sex. the teacher didn’t notice as they left so fast, glad that the students were inside. 

“you did good baby,” zhengting sighed as he looked over at xukun who needed to definitely get cleaned now. 

“and you’re so good at calculating time.” xukun giggled, eyes closed, still trying to catch his breath that zhengting stole.

_he could stay like that forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow... I want everyone to leave comments about this chapter! thank you for reading and this was a little reward ;)


	9. addicted to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is it zhengting that xukun is addicted to or the sins they share

“why the hell are you walking like that?” yanchen and ziyi laughed at xukun who was definitely walking in a weird way, due to his actions with zhengting the night before. xukun couldn’t feel his lower half from the rough sex zhengting rewarded him with, his face flushed red when he looked over at zhengting who definitely heard their conversations because now he had a smirk on his pretty face, xukun wanted to tell him to fucking shut up even though he wasn’t even talking. 

“listen the trip is extremely tiring and I’m still hungover.” xukun lied through gritted teeth. 

_lies lies lies, you were under me last night, sober than ever as you were a moaning mess._ zhengting smiled to himself and continued to walk through the wood they were exploring.

xukun looked back at him with a glare, face so red and forehead so sweaty because of the burning summer sun. 

_what?_ zhengting mouthed with a shrug and xukun flipped him off secretly while pretending he was fixing his sunglasses.

zhengting laughed loudly at xukun before he slipped on a stone and fell on the hard ground, scratching his leg and hands badly. 

“fuck!” xukun ran to zhengting with panic written all over his face. “you’re bleeding, why didn’t you watch out?”

“because a certain person was distracting me.” zhengting whispered with a giggle.

“oh my god zhengting!” huiyin rushed to him pushing xukun aside, everyone gathered around zhengting who wanted to tell them it was nothing serious and he was used to feeling worse pain, but the blood that was pouring out of his cuts looked worrying.

“we need someone to take back zhengting to his tent.” the teacher said and xukun was the first to step in.

“I’m his roommate and I’m tired too so I wanna go back.” yanchen and everyone whined at xukun to stay.

“I will take him!” huiyin argued. 

“no I will, he needs to lean on a bigger body than yours.” xukun argued back with a smirk on his face at her defeated expression.

“xukun go with him.” the teacher said and xukun immediately rushed to help zhengting to his feet, arm holding his waist tightly as they walked away from everyone. 

“what was that?” zhengting laughed at xukun’s argument with huiyin.

“she annoys me, she’s always with you.” xukun blurted. 

“are you jealous?” zhengting side eyed xukun who rolled his eyes. 

“obviously because she spends time with you in whatever church you go to more than I ever could.”

“then be a church boy for me.” zhengting whispered. “I could pretend like I’m teaching you religion while in fact we are fucking insanely in every corner of your house.” _just like I did with jongin._

“this sounds hot,” xukun opened their tent letting both of them inside. “but you could get caught.” 

“I _didn’t_ get caught and I will not.” 

xukun flinched at the word didn’t, feeling like zhengting tried that with someone else.

“what would happen if you got caught?” xukun asked as he bandaged up zhengting’s wounds. 

“you don’t wanna know trust me.” zhengting laughed.

“do you find whatever is gonna happen funny?” xukun glared at how reckless zhengting was acting.

“I will laugh at least now.” zhengting felt a lump forming in his throat before he suddenly asked xukun. “do you like me?”

“yes.” xukun answered confidently.

“don’t like me too much, I don’t think I’ll be around forever.” zhengting mumbled looking away from xukun’s broken eyes.

“why do you say that?” xukun choked out his words.

“because it’s the truth, something bad is gonna happen I feel it coming but I don’t know when.” 

“nothing bad will happen if I protect you.” xukun held zhengting’s hand to comfort him. zhengting knew that this was not the truth but he let xukun say whatever he wanted if that comforted him. “I want to always be next to you, even if you want to go to the farthest place on earth.” 

“where should we go?” zhengting smiled at the dreamy guy.

“dubai? paris? no wait what about bermuda triangle?” xukun giggled like a little kid, zhengting kind of fell in love with the voice.

“in a better world I would disappear with you.” zhengting held xukun’s face softly. “in a place where I don’t have a secret nor do I need to pretend.” 

“at least you don’t pretend with me, I feel special.” xukun smiled as he kissed zhengting’s lips as if it was the most usual thing between them, zhengting’s hands traveled down low to grip on xukun’s butt and place him on his lap, lips never disconnecting, only creating louder lewd noises as their pink tongues played together with the taste of the apple juice they drank before still lingering, only to make it more addicting to keep sucking on each other’s tongues and lips. xukun’s hips were grinding down on zhengting and zhengting was calling him the sweetest pet names that xukun was never used to hear, zhengting grabbed xukun’s soft locks in his slender fingers, tilting his head back to toy with the soft flesh on his neck with his sharp teeth, zhengting wanted to write words with his love bites on xukun’s skin that looked like a white canvas.

 _art_ could take the longest time to create, and zhengting had time, because he knew at the end he could end up with a painting not even the most famous artists could have created. xukun was so beautiful, too beautiful, the most beautiful, and zhengting wanted to appreciate that, he wanted to cleanse his soul and repaint it again with the colors that matched his world, could it be yellow like the sun that shined so brightly on them? could it be black like the dark ocean on a very sad night? could it be red like zhengting’s eyes when he cried blood because of the pain that cut deep through him? or could he create a new color and name it xukun? 

“I think I’m addicted to you.” xukun said with a soft whisper.

“is it me you are addicted to or the sins we share?” zhengting asked with his hand playing with the veins on xukun’s neck.

“it’s you, everything you do, the oxygen you breathe, the sound of your voice, the tips of your fingers, it’s zhu zhengting that I’m addicted to, the sins are just an extra.” xukun’s eyes looked at zhengting’s face like he was one of the 7 wonders of the world. 

zhengting could get drunk off these words, he could get high at the peace they were sharing, they were angels in another universe until a human from earth decided to disturb the moment.

“xukun are you inside?” yanjun yelled. 

“fuck you yanjun.” xukun hissed as he stood up from zhengting’s lap, zhengting was still dazed, xukun was still caught up in the moment. 

“what do you want?” xukun went outside.

“we are going for a swim in the lake, get ready.” xukun nodded.

zhengting was still in the tent busy with his notebook that he wrote carefully in: 

 

 _july 21st 2018._  
 _the saint fell in love with the sinner._

 

but who was the saint and who was the sinner?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this was so poetic in some parts because honestly I was really in the mood to write something like that... ALSO HUIYIN IS ANNOYING ISNT SHE? 
> 
> share your opinions with me <3


	10. can’t pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pretending is only getting heavier on both of them.

_”the writer was explaining the depths of being in a-“_

“xukun stop.” zhengting hissed as the teacher kept explaining the paragraph.

“I don’t want to,” xukun whispered back as he continued touching zhengting’s thigh, rubbing on the flesh. “I wanna suck you off.” 

“you’re gonna be fucking dead once I get out of here.” zhengting glared ahead of him, focusing on not getting affected by the asshole next to him.

“fine, I love how that sounds.” xukun smirked.

 

they were in the very small janitor closet, xukun was on his knees, choking on zhengting’s dick as zhengting kept thrusting his hips into xukun’s pretty lips. 

“you can take it, brave boy.” zhengting smirked at xukun who was looking up at him with teary eyes, xukun moaned sending the voice exactly to zhengting’s groin, zhengting caressed his hair before he pulled hard on it and face fucked him, it was seconds before zhengting burst inside xukun’s mouth, the white dripping on his red swollen lips. 

“good boy.” zhengting pulled xukun who was dizzy to his feet, kissing his lips and tasting himself on the soft flesh.

zhengting was ready to leave before xukun whined and pulled him back. “what about me?” he pointed to his very hard cock. 

“I wasn’t the horny one in class.” zhengting smirked, kissing xukun’s cheek, and leaving. 

 

“why do you spend time with zhengting so much?” xiaogui asked xukun, everyone’s curious eyes traveled to his face.

“I just love annoying him.” xukun said blankly, almost nervously.

“you never loved annoying him that much before.” ziyi spoke.

“don’t dwell so much on it,” xukun shrugged seconds before his friends had already changed the topic and started making fun of a certain teacher.

xukun looked at zhengting who was across the cafeteria, staring at him, xukun gave him half a smile so no one could notice. 

_hiding was painful for both of them._

 

 _”now to him who is able to do in full measure more than all our desires or thoughts, through the power which is working in us, to him be the glory in the church and in christ jesus to all generations for ever and ever. so be it.”_ zhengting and huiyin said in unison, standing side by side in the church.

“zhengting do you want to come over to study with me?” huiyin asked after they had left the church.

“uuh, okay.” zhengting nodded as he walked in the direction of huiyin’s house. 

“does xukun still bother you?” huiyin suddenly asked.

“no, it’s okay don’t worry about it.” zhengting smiled.

“when we go to university I hope nobody will annoy us for being religious people.” she said with a sad look.

“don’t worry huiyin, seriously.” zhengting tried to not get defensive with her about xukun.

“I have to worry about you, you matter so much to me zhengting.” she looked at him with loving eyes. “after all we are gonna get married in the future and have the best family.” 

“yeah h-hopefully.” zhengting gulped nervously while trying to not cry or think of a way to escape his fate, if huiyin ever found out about his truth she would be too disappointed in whatever she had in mind, extremely disappointed in her friend and future husband. 

_how do you escape the fate that chases you?_

 

zhengting was walking back home in the merely lit up street, until someone snatched his arm and pulled him to a very dark alleyway.

“it’s me!” xukun half yelled when zhengting was ready to knee him in the balls.

“what the hell kun, you could actually talk to me instead of this kidnapping shit!” 

“that’s boring! I love action!” xukun laughed.

“my life is enough action.” zhengting leaned his head on the dirty wall behind him. “huiyin is talking about fucking marriage and my father wants me to be a fucking priest in the church we go to when I get older.” 

xukun stared for a second at zhengting who looked exhausted from everything and everyone. 

“I can’t pretend anymore.” zhengting swallowed the lump in his throat.

_”let’s run away.”_

“xukun this needs more planning than just talking.” zhengting sighed. “I literally have no money or anything at all.” 

“I will get a job zhengting! I’m getting us out of here I promise.” xukun whispered confidently. “I can’t stay here anymore and watch you live like that, I can’t pretend too, I wanna live somewhere where I can be proud to be your-“ xukun paused. _what were they?_

“my boyfriend, you’re my boyfriend kun.” zhengting touched his soft cheek, he needed to not let him hesitate to state what they were.

“let’s run away, so far.” xukun rested his head on zhengting’s shoulder as he hugged him like it could be the last time. “I will wait if it’s not now, I can wait if it means I could end up with you and you could be happy, I got nothing to lose, not even a family.” 

“I really do love you cai xukun.” zhengting whispered in his ear like it was another secret between them, because their love was forbidden, it was sinful, rule breaking, and dangerous, just as dangerous as that one night they could run away from this sad town, happiness could be found after that, hopefully... 

 

_only if the cursed town let them leave._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> run away? what do you guys think of their idea? and how many chapters do you wish the devil in you to be? talk to me in the comments and twitter: leaderzting


	11. chains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the devil is back in town

“ah! zhengting do you remember that guy?” his mother spoke as they ate lunch together. 

“which guy?” zhengting blinked slowly waiting for any guy’s name to be said except one guy. 

“the korean guy, I saw him in the supermarket today.” 

_the korean guy._

“his name was kim jongin.” chengxiao spoke and zhengting gulped his food that he almost choked on.

“yes that’s him! he wants to meet you again and thank you for teaching him religion.” she smiled. “my very good zhengting, god will definitely reward you for doing this.”

zhengting nodded with a fake smile, he thanked her for the food before he stood up and left to his room so fast, he locked up the door and clenched his fists so he couldn’t punch anything including the very tempting mirror. 

_why was he fucking back?_ just when he pulled himself back again, jongin was back like a ghost to haunt him, zhengting was almost free from this nightmare only to start again, he thought he could never hear this name again but he was dumb and hopeful. 

 

unknown  
_meet me in the park we used to hangout in._

 

zhengting’s phone buzzed with a text, he almost threw the dumb thing on the wall, he almost yelled so damn loud at the world to let him fucking live, it was all getting too much to handle. 

so he ran to end whatever was still going on.

 

he saw his back, his very long brown hair, skin still glowing gold, zhengting wanted to turn back, but he had to face his fears even if he walked on shaky legs.

jongin heard footsteps so he turned to see zhengting, he was skinnier than the last time he saw him, he looked very exhausted, eyes so tired, skin so pale, he looked fucked up but still zhengting was the prettiest guy to exist.

“zhengting,” jongin breathed before he ran up to him to hug his thin bones, jongin looked at zhengting for a second before he placed his lips on zhengting’s.

he was pushed too fast, it shocked him. “what is wrong?”

“what is wrong?” zhengting laughed hysterically. “you dare to ask?” 

“zhengting what is going on?” jongin looked confused and zhengting wanted to slap him, punch him, fuck him, kill him.

“why are you fucking back?” zhengting yelled.

“because I promised you I will be back!” jongin yelled back. “what the hell? did you forget?” 

“shut the fuck up.” zhengting hissed, eyes red like they could bleed any moment. “for how long are you planning to stay? how many times will you fuck me before you leave again?”

“I have a job now! I have a meeting here so I thought I could see you again and you would be happy!” jongin defended himself.

“so you came back expecting me to be fucking fine?” zhengting laughed again but this time with tears slowly gathering around his eyes. “just say you are here to take advantage of me again.”

“why would I do that?” jongin hissed. “I could fuck anybody zhengting, but I came back because I care for you.” 

“if you cared enough you wouldn’t have done that to someone who loved you.” zhengting pushed on jongin’s hard chest. “do you fucking know how much I suffered because of you?” 

“I’m sorry!” jongin held his hand. “I will make it up for you.” jongin said with pleading eyes, and zhengting almost fell in love again with his first love, he almost fell to his knees and cried so much because he missed the guy who made his life so bright for the shortest while, he almost kissed jongin so passionately like they always did, and he almost dragged jongin to the ice cream place that was not so close to his town where they always laughed and held hands, where zhengting was the most happiest. 

_xukun._

xukun exists, xukun was his boyfriend right? xukun was there to stay, he would never take advantage of zhengting, or would he? 

“I have a boyfriend.” zhengting spoke, voice so hoarse and choked. 

“zhengting are you kidding me?” jongin hissed. “you promised you would wait for me!” 

“I did! but how long could I stay waiting?” 

“zhengting you can’t do this to me!” jongin grabbed his arm to hug him. “I worked so I could get you out of here, I never took advantage of you!”

zhengting almost surrendered to the words he was hearing, jongin loved him right? he wasn’t lying, he really came back for him!

_xukun._

xukun who loved zhengting, who wanted to run away with him, who could sacrifice anything for zhengting’s happiness.

_xukun xukun xukun xukun_

“leave.” zhengting whispered. “leave and don’t ever come back for me.” 

“zhengting you must have lost your mind.” jongin looked at him with wide eyes.

“I did lose my mind, do you know how many sleepless nights I have spent thinking of you? you didn’t ever text me once, you didn’t even say goodbye to me, I woke up one day and I knocked on your door a thousand time but you just weren’t there, do you know how much you ruined me? I live two lives now because I decided to love you, I’m fake, I’m made of pretending and I’m dying slowly in this place, and guess what? I fucking changed so bad you wouldn’t even want to be near me now, I hate you jongin I really do, so you better leave me alone before I show you what a crazy person can do.” 

“it’s my fault that I came back here.” jongin clutched his head. “fine I’m leaving but fuck him, fuck whoever took you from me.” 

“I will fuck him really good and sweet, don’t worry about him.” zhengting hissed his words out. 

“zhengting?” he heard the last voice he wanted to hear. _fuck._

xukun walked up to zhengting with questioning eyes. “who is this?”

jongin laughed, and zhengting closed his eyes trying to regain his energy to talk.

“that’s him isn’t it?” jongin pointed at xukun.

“who the fuck are you?” xukun’s voice got louder.

“ask zhengting, he could tell you so specifically.” jongin smirked at xukun who was now fuming and shaking.

“zhengting who the fuck is he?” xukun looked back at zhengting, completely worried out by the guy who spoke chinese with a broken accent and looked like a foreigner, why was he involved with zhengting in the first place?

“my ex boyfriend.” zhengting said under his breath and xukun almost went crazy.

“tell him baby, tell him how loud you used to moan my name, that sweet ass of yours used to handle my-“ xukun punched jongin square in the jaw and jongin laughed at the pain, xukun punched him again and he stumbled backwards only to fall on the hard ground of the park.

“you could never treat him like me.” jongin said with a bloody mouth, he lunged to hold xukun’s shirt to land a punch on his face.

“fuck you I could treat him better than you.” xukun hissed in pain as zhengting held him back trying to stop him from ruining jongin’s face even more.

“congrats zhengting, I hope you’re happy now.” jongin spat blood before he pushed xukun off him, only to leave after he flipped off both of them.

“are you okay?” xukun held zhengting’s face in his warm hands.

“stay here I’m gonna buy bandages.” zhengting whispered but xukun held his hand.

“I asked if you’re okay?” xukun pleaded.

“I’m good.” zhengting gave him a weak smile. “but I need to fix your cuts so I could be even better.”

“zhengting are you back?” his mother asked when she heard the door opening.

“yes.”

“how was jongin?” she smiled at him.

“he’s better than ever! he turned into such a religious guy, he even memorized the bible verses I taught him two years ago!” zhengting lied cheerfully with the fakest smile plastered on his face.

when zhengting was in his room again, he looked at himself in the mirror.

_he was finally free from one of his chains._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY BABY ZHENGTING... do y’all think jongin really loves zhengting? do you want him to appear again?


	12. high

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xukun’s father is an asshole

“wake up!” xukun was kicked in his stomach. 

“what the fuck?” xukun squinted to get greeted by his father’s sulking face, he was back after one month, _one whole fucking month._

“get up useless fucker.” he threw his cigarette on the the ground of xukun’s room. 

“what do you fucking want?” xukun gritted his teeth, chest clenching so hard.

“do you have money?” his father asked.

“how do I have money? I fucking survive on the leftovers aunt sends!” xukun yelled, hands shaking badly and nerves so damn stressed, he wished he never came back.

“then how do you have this phone?” his father grabbed his old phone. 

“put it down.” xukun hissed. 

before xukun could grab it, his father threw his phone on the wall, it shattered into pieces in front of xukun’s eyes, just like that he saw all of his phone calls with zhengting late at night fade away in front of his eyes, it was the only thing that could put him to sleep in this empty house and lonely nights. 

“fuck you.” xukun teared up, his heart hurt so much, because not in another two years he could buy a new phone. 

“don’t show me your face again unless you have money.” his father spat on his face and xukun almost grabbed the alcohol bottle that was on his desk and broke it on his father’s skull. 

“don’t show me your face again unless you were dead!” xukun yelled at the man who was outside his room now. 

he could die and xukun would be the happiest person ever, he still didn’t forget the sleepless nights he used to hear his mother crying when his father beat her up. 

xukun was bitter because she never looked back at him, she left him behind just like that, she ran away for her life but forgot the little kid that starved alone, cried alone, lived alone, could have died alone. 

_he wished death upon them both._

 

xukun couldn’t even call zhengting to tell him he needed him now so he walked to ziyi’s house. 

“bro what the hell?” ziyi looked at the bruise that was under xukun’s eye, formed by zhengting’s ex boyfriend who xukun didn’t even know the name of.

“the other guy had it worse.” xukun let out a small laugh that sounded like he wanted to fucking die instead of actually laughing. 

“who is it?” ziyi sat next to xukun examining his face.

“never mind.” xukun mumbled before he laid down on the couch. “this is the worst weekend in my life so ziyi please wrap me up the best cigarette you’ve ever wrapped.”

ziyi nodded with a bright smile on his face, _they were about to get high._

 

“fuck yes, kiss me, yes right there.” xukun giggled eyes closed, no one actually kissing him.

“who is it?” ziyi laughed, still smoking the cigarette that was between his two long fingers.

“my whole fucking life, my boyfriend, my angel.” xukun laughed more as he imagined zhengting’s face, so beautiful, so addicting, _fuck where was zhengting?_

“dumbass, you don’t have a boyfriend.” ziyi tripped on his feet when he stood up.

“I do.” 

“who is it!”

“secret.”

“fuck you.”

“he fucks me.”

“what?” ziyi giggled. “you whore, you let him fuck you?” 

“yes.” xukun smirked as his hand travelled down to his crotch.

“my mom sits here all the time, don’t dirty the place!” ziyi groaned as xukun moaned when his fingers wrapped around himself. 

“fuck,” xukun cursed his bottom lip was trapped between his teeth, until it almost bled.

“xukun you’re making me hard!” ziyi whined when he felt his pants getting tighter.

“not my problem.” 

“it’s obviously my problem.” ziyi walked to the bathroom to start solving his problems, at least he wasn’t shameful like xukun who pulled out his dick like it was his own house and started pleasing himself with thought of his boyfriend.

“zhengting,” xukun whispered a soft moan before he was done. 

_zhengting?_ ziyi was high and confused when he heard church boy’s name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very short chapter but I had to give you guys something... xukun’s father is an asshole what do you think about it? also xukun you kind of messed up when ziyi heard zhengting’s name.... things won’t go well because of THAT


	13. deep end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ziyi had to tell somebody.

“he jerked off to the thought of zhengting.” ziyi told yanchen and yanjun who burst out laughing at xukun. “he said he was his boyfriend!”

“what the fuck xukun went nuts.” yanjun laughed hysterically but straightened himself when he saw zhangjing walking past them, he excused himself and went to follow his crush of a one year. 

“dumbass,” yanchen shook his head at yanjun who just left them. “listen ziyi, do you think church boy is actually not religious and he’s fucking with xukun?”

ziyi stared for a second before he spoke. “that would be the biggest plot twist in the history.” 

“let’s find out after the first class, because they both have it together.” yanchen smirked and ziyi nodded eagerly.

 

zhengting pulled his bag and walked towards one of the empty corridors of their very big school, he was certain no one ever came there because they were fixing the older side of the building, xukun followed after him and when they met there zhengting kissed xukun. 

“I called you so much but you never answered.” zhengting held xukun’s face as he continued to place small kisses all over it. 

“my father broke my phone.” xukun’s voice sounded sad.

“fuck him why is he back?” zhengting hissed as he continued to sooth xukun and rubbing his lower back as they hugged softly and lazily.

“never mind him I hope he burns in hell soon.” xukun shrugged as he kissed zhengting’s neck slowly.

they heard noise coming from behind the wall before yanchen and ziyi appeared.

“I knew something was up with you!” yanchen pointed at zhengting who had a poker face while xukun was shocked.

“what the hell are you doing here?” xukun yelled at them both.

“what the fuck were you doing with church boy?” ziyi hissed.

“stop calling him that.” xukun glared at his best friend.

“no, it’s okay.” zhengting spoke. “I’m church boy and xukun is my boyfriend, do you have a problem?”

yanchen stared at him while ziyi was looking at xukun like he was crazy. 

“I mean no but like what the hell?” yanchen spoke fast and nervously.

“then leave, because I haven’t seen xukun in a day.” zhengting gave them a blank look before he looked back at xukun like he was the only one there.

“if you tell anybody I will kill you both.” xukun glared harder at his friends.

“this is crazy!” ziyi hissed at him. “you never told us!”

“do I need to tell you everything?” xukun rolled his eyes so hard.

“let’s just leave.” yanchen pulled ziyi as they walked away from the shocking secret they found out.

“do we tell anybody?” ziyi asked.

“no, church boy would be in a very big mess.” yanchen shook his head as he thought about how strict zhengting’s family was. “it’s unbelievable, I knew xukun changed ever since the trip.”

“hey fuckers!” xiaogui appeared with xingjie beside him. “what are you guys talking about so seriously?”

“nothing.” yanchen smiled. “shall we throw a party this weekend?”

“hell yeah!” xingjie said eagerly.

_and just like that it was a secret between yanchen and ziyi._

 

“I found a job in a the cafe downtown.” xukun smiled at zhengting who was laying on the sofa next to him.

“I would look for a job too but my parents don’t want me to focus on anything except studying and going to church.” zhengting sighed. 

“zhengting about ziyi and yanchen I’m sorry for what happened I will really make sure they don’t tell anyone.” xukun spoke worriedly.

“kun it doesn’t matter really, the whole world could know and I still won’t be bothered or change towards you.”

“I’m just worried.” xukun looked at the ground regretting ever getting high in front of ziyi, he blamed himself.

“don’t worry about it.” zhengting touched his hand to comfort him.

“also zhengting, about your ex boyfriend.” xukun mumbled hesitantly. “are you sure he won’t come back?” 

“I hope so.” zhengting nodded even though he wasn’t certain at all that jongin would leave him alone. 

_hoping that his own heart doesn’t play tricks on him._

“I don’t know about the past, but I hope we can put that behind us.” xukun spoke softly.

“me too.” zhengting’s mind was racing with thoughts. 

speaking of the devil his phone buzzed, and he read the text.

_unknown_   
_meet me one last time in the house I used to live in._

 

zhengting gulped as xukun continued to look for a movie they could watch, he felt terrible about feeling the need to go and see jongin one last time.

_don’t go_

_see him, it will be fine_

two voices were screaming inside zhengting’s mind until he decided to follow the louder one.

“babe, huiyin wants to go to church now.” zhengting stood up and grabbed xukun’s face to kiss him goodbye deeply, sorrowfully, apologizing.

“it’s okay we will watch a movie another time.” xukun smiled at zhengting as he walked him to the door.

“I love you, very much.” zhengting whispered before his legs led him to his deep end.

_to his downfall._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay........ the hell is zhengting gonna do? and why didn’t ziyi shut up :( what do you think might happen in the next chapter


	14. weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when your mind fools you, you will fall in the trap of the past

zhengting opened the door that reminded him of his past, he was already at the verge of crying when he saw the familiar corridor, even smelt the familiar scent, he grabbed the door handle to run away but before he could leave jongin appeared.

“zhengting you’re here.” jongin rushed to hug him.

“jongin say what you have already.” zhengting mumbled before pushing the older guy.

“fuck zhengting, I can’t let you go!” jongin teared up. “do you want to run away? shall we go back to korea together? do you want to achieve all the dreams you told me about?” 

“jongin I’m already planning this with someone else!” zhengting half yelled.

“no! I can’t see you with him, please!” jongin grabbed zhengting to hug him again. “zhengting I love you.”

“I don’t love you jongin.” zhengting gulped. _but I could get affected by you._ “I love him, I really do.”

“stop speaking about him when you’re with me.” jongin dragged zhengting to the couch, _that very couch he remembers._

“sit down let’s have a talk.” jongin whispered. 

“there’s nothing to talk about jongin.” zhengting looked away from the broken looking guy, because if he stared at him for another second he could get weak.

“there is! you promised you will wait! I did all of this for you, zhengting I fucking never loved anyone that much!” jongin yelled and zhengting kept looking away.

“stop.” zhengting closed his eyes so he could shut out jongin only that he couldn’t, because jongin was breathing loudly and hardly.

“no I won’t stop, you’re mine and anybody else can’t have you zhengting.” jongin held zhengting’s face so he could look at him.

“please stop.” zhengting felt weaker when he looked at jongin’s lips, _the same lips that promised him the sweetest things, the same lips that tasted his skin._

“I can’t stop, I miss you so fucking much.” jongin was closer now and zhengting was getting even more scared. jongin was too perfect, he remembered everything about him, the way his smile was so adorable and his voice that was so unique when he spoke, zhengting was in love with him so badly two years ago.

“but I have a fucking boyfriend-“ zhengting shook his head fast and harshly.

“please zhengting forget about him, let me remind you of how much I love you.” jongin pulled zhengting for a kiss, zhengting was on the verge of crying, he wanted to leave and run to xukun but he wanted to stay in the arms of his first love. 

“I love you.” jongin kissed down zhengting’s chest as he laid him down, zhengting could feel the dip of the couch under him just like two years ago, he could feel jongin on top of him like it was déjà vu.

“jongin,” zhengting whispered softly.

“yes baby, that’s me, I’m here.” jongin smiled as he caressed zhengting’s hair, kissing his lips and zhengting kissed back with full force, needy and full of confused emotions.

“you’re so cruel.” zhengting cried as jongin held him tighter. 

“don’t cry baby, don’t, I’m sorry.” jongin whispered soothingly. 

zhengting kissed him willingly, jongin grabbed on his body like he wanted to amend the two years they spent apart, and zhengting let him, _fuck maybe he loved the feeling of jongin being here again._

_but did he love him?_

zhengting suddenly thought of xukun again, and he almost cried at the feeling that he was betraying his boyfriend, his lover that adored him too much, _why was zhengting a fucking dumbass who was stuck in his past._

jongin’s lips were kissing his stomach before he reached for his jeans button, jongin opened it and zhengting’s heart almost left his body. 

_stop stop stop stop before it’s too late._

_jongin stop!_ he wanted to yell but his voice was betraying him just like he betrayed xukun.

jongin was caressing zhengting’s body like there was no tomorrow, holding him so tight, zhengting felt like his heart was being teared apart before he gave into the powerful force on top of him letting jongin do whatever he pleased, if he wanted to take advantage of zhengting, he was letting him, if he wanted to love zhengting so deeply, he was letting him because everything seemed like the past, like the very past, it fooled zhengting’s memory and fragile mind.

jongin was slowly inside zhengting like a reminder of who he really belonged to, telling him that he was his, he ruined him in the first place and was back to corrupt his body again. jongin kept the pace too slow, and zhengting felt like pure death as tears ruined his cheeks, he couldn’t even make any sound because he felt guilt washing over him for some reason he didn’t know instead of pleasure. he was a weak fucker, weak dumbass, weak for the devil, weak for anything bad, weak for hurting himself and people he loved.

his mind shut off the moment jongin claimed him again, he forgot everything in the world even the most important person. 

_xukun._

“baby, I could make love to you all my life.” jongin whispered in his ear and the devil that possessed zhengting two years ago corrupted his mind and body. “we will live together, somewhere far, you could sing and maybe have the career you dreamt of, and I will continue working for both of us, do you want a little house in the city?” jongin ranted like he was insane and in love _and zhengting smiled, fuck he loved jongin so much, jongin was gonna help him out of this sad town,_ zhengting was going crazy, lost between the past and the present, he might have thought that he was back in time, _what was the date today?_

zhengting glanced at the calendar that was hung on the wall, it read _july 18th 2016._ the night before jongin left that they spent together on this very place doing the same sinful actions.

 _exactly!_ it was the time no one ever existed in zhengting’s dictionary except jongin. 

_did jongin ever leave?_

_was the calendar stuck on this date or was zhengting stuck in the past._

“zhengting!” jongin shook him out of his thoughts. “what’s wrong baby?”

“I’m not insane right?” zhengting laughed. “this is 2016 right?” zhengting was losing his mind, as he giggled and kissed jongin’s soft lips. 

“zhengting,” jongin whispered worriedly. “zhengting it’s not 2016.” 

“then what is it?” his eyes were wide, shocked, it was scaring jongin. 

“zhengting are you okay?” jongin stood up and looked at zhengting carefully.

“you’re jongin and you’re here! I came here to teach you the bible right? you’re the korean student that lives next door right?” zhengting paced around the house insanely. “you’re my boyfriend?”

“zhengting stop scaring me!” jongin’s voice was shaky. “calm down.”

zhengting grabbed his phone that was long forgotten on the table. _july 26th 2018._

_2018, cai xukun, his boyfriend, his fucking boyfriend, jongin left him long ago-_

his head hurt so bad, _what the fuck was happening to me?_ zhengting clutched his head so hard trying to know what the hell was going on.

“xukun.” zhengting whispered with tears slowly threatening to pour. “fuck! xukun!”

“xukun? your new boyfriend?” jongin hissed the name.

“I can’t remember anything, my head fucking hurts!” zhengting grabbed jongin’s shoulders like a maniac but jongin didn’t answer. “we had sex right?” 

“we were at it!” jongin yelled at the guy who went crazy in front of him. 

“I’m a cheater.” zhengting cried as he fell on the floor. 

“no you’re not!”

“fuck, I promised him you won’t see me again.” zhengting cried harder on the hard ground. “and I had sex with you.”

“get up zhengting!” jongin grabbed him. “what the fuck is happening to you?” 

“don’t ever let me see you again because next time I might kill you with my own hands!” zhengting pushed jongin away as he ran outside the hell house feeling that he was disgusting, he was miserable, a cheater, a fucking low life. 

_he was indeed the worst human being._

when he burst into his own house his mother looked at him weirdly, his face was tear stained and he looked scared.

“did you go to church?” she asked and zhengting didn’t answer, of course she didn’t care about him as long as he went to church. 

he jumped into his bed and cried his eyes out, _he betrayed xukun._

_cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater cheater_

the voice in his head only got louder and it scared him even more.

“I’m sorry, please forgive me for my sins, please.” he begged with his head buried into his pillow, silent screams leaving his exhausted lungs.

_you deserve it, cheater._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck... zhengting must have lost his mind ... if you’re wondering why did he seem so shocked about cheating on xukun it’s because his mind obviously played tricks on him and he happened to forget everything and feel like everything was like the old days. this is definitely the biggest mistake he committed so what do you think? :(


	15. this is our decline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> xukun is hopeful but hope is killing him

_four days._

four whole days and zhengting didn’t speak a word to xukun, xukun was stressed, sleepless, tired, confused and his friends hated it so damn much, they hated how affected xukun was.

“fuck him!” yanchen hissed. “how dare he do this to you?”

“I say we literally get back at him and expose his secret.” ziyi spoke aggressively.

“if you do that I will kill you.” xukun grabbed his arm and glared at him.

“you’re still defending him!” yanchen clutched his head.

“I will wait for him, I don’t care, he can not speak to me for a whole another year and I would still wait for him.” xukun said, voice shaky, hands holding tight onto each other, face so pale, he could pass out any second from not eating for a long while.

“then fucking eat! live like nothing is happening or I swear I will hurt zhengting that fucker.” ziyi almost yelled. 

“don’t speak of him like that!” xukun stood up and left the table with tired legs, he walked faraway, he might have left school, fuck classes, fuck everything, he cried because he wanted to know at least a little glimpse of why zhengting was acting like this towards him, he fucking missed him too damn much but all zhengting did was ignore him.

_was this the trouble of being involved with zhu zhengting?_

yet xukun still went to his job after school so he could collect the money he needed to run away with zhengting.

_because he loved him..._

_he was hopeful_

 

zhengting was not only a cheater but he was a coward too, he sat alone in his dark room as he cried until he felt like his guts were coming out. xukun was being tortured because of him, because he was a fucking coward, he couldn’t even lie, he didn’t even want to see xukun for the rest of his life. 

_because xukun was an angel._

_while zhengting_

 

 

_was not_

 

xukun was drunk, in yanchen’s house, he could see the blurry shadows of his friends, xiaogui was dancing on top of some table, yanchen was stripping, ziyi was rolling cigarettes, he could even see the younger kids, justin, chengcheng, quanzhe, he could see everyone except zhengting, his senses were so high, the music was too loud, and somebody was trying to touch on him.

“I have a boyfriend.” xukun mumbled drunkenly as he grabbed the girl’s sneaky hand to stop her, she rolled her eyes before she left him alone. 

_zhengting would be proud of me._ xukun thought as he stumbled in the hallways feeling like his soul could leave his body any second.

zhengting was cruel, so damn cruel to xukun who was crying now at the thought of him, how many times did he cry today? _four? five? six? hundred?_

“get up.” yanchen grabbed him. “stop crying like a weak fucker!” 

“leave me fucking alone!” xukun yelled as he pushed on his friend, he was a big mess that only zhengting could fix.

xukun walked outside, to breathe some fresh air, if only his damn lungs decided to even let him breathe. 

_why was he so fucking fragile?_

he handled everyone leaving him, his mother, his father, his relatives, some friends who no longer thought he was good for them, but why couldn’t he handle zhengting leaving him? 

xukun looked up at the dark sky and saw two stars so far from each other, that was how zhengting and him were living nowadays, in these very dark days that drained xukun and killed him so slowly and unmercifully.

_did I do anything to him?_ xukun thought deeply about all of his actions towards zhengting, was zhengting upset that ziyi and yanchen found out about his reality? did zhengting not like him anymore? did zhengting replace him? 

_replace him?_

xukun gulped dryly as he thought about the idea, _zhengting’s ex boyfriend was back so he doesn’t need me anymore._

xukun felt a blade in his heart as tears slowly poured out of his tired red eyes, he figured he was replaced, he was worthless, maybe that korean guy was better to zhengting than him, maybe zhengting would never be able to love anyone except him, he was handsome, older, more capable of helping zhengting out of this town. 

_xukun felt insecure._

he hugged his legs to his chest as he continued being the miserable being he was, _cai xukun was miserable ever since he was a kid, nobody stayed for him_ was he that awful? xukun was shaking even though it was extremely hot, maybe his soul felt so cold because no one wanted to embrace it, no one wanted to stay next to him, maybe not even zhengting? 

_was he overthinking?_

he hoped he was, he hoped zhengting was pulling a prank on him, maybe zhengting was gonna surprise him later? agree on running away with him? go with him to wherever they could find happiness? 

_xukun was hopeful_

 

_but hope felt like poison at this point_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again... so the previous chapter I loved the reactions to it but I will try to ignore some stuff that really annoyed me from some readers... but for now we will see xukun suffering so much :(


	16. apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zhengting needed to save xukun

_one week._

zhengting lost his mind when xukun stopped coming to school, he was worried sick, he was scared, he couldn’t even eat without emptying his weak stomach. _does he go to visit him?_ even after what he did? zhengting stuttered on the words he practiced constantly in front of the mirror a thousand times.

“I’m sorry.” zhengting mumbled before he cried and stopped his speech, he stood up, paced around his room and sat back in front of the mirror again to restart his messy words. 

_I cheated on you._

zhengting was biting on his bloody lips, scared to say these words out loud. xukun’s exhausted face was fresh on his memory so he stood up and walked to xukun’s house with a thumping heart. 

_if he loved him he needed to save him._

 

zhengting knocked on the door so much, xukun didn’t open, so zhengting tried his luck and grabbed the door handle only to find out the door wasn’t even locked, zhengting panicked when he walked inside the house that looked gloomier than ever.

xukun wasn’t in the living room so zhengting walked upstairs, fear attacking his soul as he opened a door to a room that he supposed it was xukun’s.

 _he found him._

zhengting looked at xukun who was even thinner now, his eyes were closed, was he sleeping? 

“kun,” zhengting whispered weakly. 

and xukun opened his eyes and looked carefully at zhengting before he mumbled. “is this another dream?” 

“are you okay?” zhengting sat on the ground close to xukun’s bed.

“I am okay.” xukun mumbled with a choked voice, before he sobbed. 

“don’t cry.” zhengting shook his head at xukun who was extremely broken. “you deserve better, I’m sorry.” 

“I deserve you.” xukun closed his eyes, breath hitching constantly.

“I don’t deserve you.” zhengting cried as he held xukun’s hand so tight. 

“but I can’t live without you.” xukun cried. “look at me.” 

_and he indeed looked alive but dead._

“no, you need to live without me because I did a horrible mistake.” zhengting shook his head feeling his nerves shutting off because he couldn’t even stand up.

“what did you do zhengting?” xukun questioned with begging eyes. 

“I- please forgive me.” zhengting cried on his knees and xukun sat on the ground next to him. 

“what did you do zhengting?” he repeated with an even more shakier voice. “is it your ex boyfriend?” 

“I wasn’t in my right mind!” zhengting cried loudly as he looked at xukun’s broken face, he was holding back his tears. “I was fucking insane! my mind played tricks on me and I fucking thought I was in the past! I swear when I remembered everything happening between us I stopped everything- I will literally leave you alone, I’m a cheater, I’m a coward, hit me! kill me! do whatever you want!” zhengting was sobbing crazily. 

xukun stayed silent. 

“say something please!” zhengting shook his shoulders.

“what do you want me to say?” xukun let out a little laugh that sounded so foreign and sad, _so dead._

“yell at me! curse me! break up with me!” zhengting pleaded pathetically. 

“I don’t have the energy, zhengting.” xukun whispered with tears slowly falling like little pearls from his beautiful eyes. 

“stop crying I’m a piece of trash!” zhengting wiped his tears so fast. 

“I guess I’m in love with a piece of trash.” xukun spoke blankly. “I want to yell at you, to wish you were dead to me, to fucking kill you both but I’m weak, I’m weak just like you are.” xukun’s voice broke. “why am I weak? I just want you to stay, even if you don’t like me anymore, or he is better than me, I just want you here because you are the only human to ever not let my soul feel neglected, even when you stopped talking me.” 

“I fucking love you!” zhengting yelled on the top of his lungs. “I wish I was dead before I hurt you.” 

“I feel like sleeping.” xukun suddenly mumbled before he was back in his bed. “I’m very tired.” xukun stood on his weak limbs.

“no kun please talk to me!” zhengting whispered, sanity slowly dripping out of him.

“we talked.” 

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“understand it the way you want, after all I’m the devil’s toy.” 

“you’re not a toy!” zhengting whined as he felt his heart hurting so much.

“I was treated like one.” xukun mumbled with tears silently falling, he tried to hide them behind his blanket. “but it’s okay because I’m your toy.” 

_and zhengting was the devil._

 

zhengting wanted to die that very moment, he wanted xukun to yell so loud at him, he wanted to be beaten up, he wanted to be punished for his sins, but instead xukun was being like that. 

“I’m sorry for being me,” zhengting spoke. “I’m sorry for ever existing.” 

“I’m sorry for not being enough.” xukun whispered before zhengting left sorrowfully.

 _you’re more than enough._

_I’m just more than a mess._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn... tell me your opinions in the comments


	17. immortality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> perhaps love was their savior

_one month._

_one whole lonely depressing month._

xukun was taking his time to accept whatever happened, he was gonna accept it because he was a sucker for zhengting’s existence, but only time could heal. 

_but time could kill too._

zhengting thought that this was what he deserved for being a sinner, it was the most painful punishment, when he saw xukun so far from him, with his friends, silently laughing at whatever linong and xiaogui were saying, when he couldn’t even say one word to him, when he was ashamed to ever look back at xukun. 

_heaven knows how miserable zhengting was._

if he was thin, then he was even more thinner now, everyone was concerned about his health, even xukun who wanted to be selfish and take his time to accept his lover again. 

jongin was gone, but zhengting was ruined again, how weak could a human be to not learn from their mistake once? 

zhengting felt like puking the sandwich he was forcing himself to eat, which he did before he sat on the ground after emptying his already empty stomach, tears were slowly running down his face.

“zhengting what is happening to you?” huiyin panicked as she brought water to him.

_”leave me the fuck alone.”_ he said bitterly. 

“oh god, since when do you say stuff like that?” she gasped, eyes slowly getting teary. 

“since today.” he said before he stood up and left. 

_if he couldn’t have xukun back then he wanted to be gone._

 

_”and I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright  
I'm just so tired to share my nights  
I wanna cry and I wanna love  
but all my tears have been used up...”_ zhengting hummed with closed eyes as he laid on a bench in the abandoned park.

“you never told me you had a nice voice?” someone mumbled. 

_someone._

_the best one in the world._

zhengting opened his eyes and looked at xukun with a shocked expression. “what are you doing here?” zhengting whispered with a dry throat.

“trying to find peace but a guy wouldn’t stop singing.” xukun mumbled as he looked at the ground. “I had to tell him he sounded good.” 

“thank you.” zhengting gulped with a weird feeling deep in his heart. 

“I was wondering if he could also make me feel alright?” xukun whispered almost to himself but zhengting caught it, because he was listening so carefully to the voice he missed the most. 

“of course- of course he could.” zhengting nodded fast and hopeful.

“I was wondering as well if he would ever hurt me again?” xukun looked at zhengting with teary eyes and zhengting felt himself getting more dizzy the longer xukun looked at him. 

_was he really there or it was his wild imagination?_

“never, not until his last breath.” zhengting sounded promising, so sincere. 

“does he love me like I do?” xukun looked harder at zhengting as a couple of tears betrayed him and fell.

“god I love you so fucking much.” zhengting pulled him so fast, so tight, as he clutched into his small body, smelling him like he was his oxygen. “I will die the next time I hurt you, but I will be immortal because I’m never hurting you again.”

“you better not.” xukun sobbed into zhengting’s neck as he clutched on him like he was the only way for him to get back to life. 

“I swear to the god I don’t even believe in that I will love you and protect until this worthless soul leaves my body.” 

 

_so he did._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ARE YOU GUYS HAPPY LIKE I AM?


	18. LSD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _love, sex, dreams_

maybe the movie was boring or maybe zhengting was more interested in the angel laying beside him, perhaps xukun was the best movie zhengting could ever watch, and perhaps his eyes were the most fun things to look at, zhengting could never get bored of staring at them.

zhengting flinched when he tried to kiss xukun, he was still scared, regretful and hesitant. “I could stop.” he whispered.

“did I tell you to stop?” xukun rolled his eyes before he grabbed zhengting’s neck dragging his lips to his own. 

“I love you.” zhengting whispered feeling like he was drunk on something but he didn’t know what it was.

 _maybe xukun?_

“I love you more.” xukun shook his head with a lazy smile painted on his soft face.

“no, I love you more.” zhengting giggled.

“no, I love you more.” xukun repeated the same words with an even bigger smile.

“this is so cringeworthy, but why does it feel cute?” zhengting laughed.

“because you are cute.” xukun pinched his cheek.

“I’m not cute!” zhengting whined before he planted a soft kiss on xukun’s lips. 

“whatever helps you sleep at night.” xukun shrugged as he stared at zhengting. 

the room was dark, only the colorful colors of the tv were lighting up their faces and bodies, it was peaceful, not so late, nothing mattered except them, zhengting was at ease even though he lied to his parents to be here, because nothing was more precious than being next to xukun after all this long time. 

the tv reflected red on zhengting’s face and xukun was never that intrigued by a human being, zhengting’s hair was messy and his white collarbones creeped out of his thin shirt. he was perfect with his biggest flaws and mistakes, the most perfect existence, better than anybody xukun had ever been with. 

and xukun was better than the only human that got to be with zhengting. 

“is this a staring contest?” zhengting mumbled. 

“is it?” xukun was daring zhengting to do something but zhengting didn’t move, so he took that as cue to start doing something himself. xukun pulled on zhengting’s shirt, pulled on his body, pulled on his jeans, _pulled on his soul._

and zhengting kissed him like it had been ages, maybe it indeed had been ages... zhengting held his hand like it belonged there and only there. 

why did it feel like they were swimming in an ocean when they were just on a couch in the same old boring living room in xukun’s house? 

the sound of lips on lips was louder than car noises outside their peaceful space, hushed whispers and secrets were being shared between their two souls that craved for each other so much, so so so so addictively. 

secrets that could have included _love, sex, dreams._

“I’m a drug addict.” xukun whispered in zhengting’s ear as his hands pulled the other closer to his body. 

“really? what kind of drug?” zhengting questioned with wandering eyes. 

_”the zhengting drug.”_

zhengting giggled and it was a beautiful noise.

it all happened like a summer haze, like it was drowning in a pool of gold, zhengting made xukun feel like he was the center of the world, the most important body and soul on planet earth. 

soft moans left his wide open lips, and zhengting grew to be fond of the sound so he worked to get more of it out of the other’s lips, hips rolling in a slow speed that made xukun slowly forget his own name until zhengting speeded up and reminded him of who he was.

 _even if he forgot his name he could always remember he was zhengting’s._

“god put so much effort into creating you.” zhengting told xukun.

“you said you don’t believe in god.” xukun said with closed eyes, letting the speaking voice wash over him.

 _”I do, only when it comes to you.”_

xukun couldn’t handle it anymore with words like these and zhengting’s voice and hips, the feeling in his stomach was getting tighter, he whispered that he was close to losing his sanity and zhengting nodded with his hips and hands crazily driving xukun closer to whatever was the purpose of their actions.

“yes baby, a little more.” zhengting kissed his cheek when the pressure was getting too much on him, when zhengting’s hips kept digging into his most sensitive parts, before zhengting felt his high was coming like he was jumping on clouds, xukun ruined the milky skin of zhengting’s back with his nails until red was painted there. 

xukun moaned loudly when zhengting was no longer in him, he whined at the loss before zhengting threw himself on him and reached for the cigarettes pack to smoke his cigarettes after sex.

“you smoke so much now.” xukun mumbled with tired limbs feeling zhengting’s hot breath on his neck. 

“open up.” zhengting placed his fingers on xukun’s lips before he spread the soft pink flesh apart and blew the smoke he inhaled through them, right to his lungs, xukun felt dizzy when he inhaled the same smoke that was inside zhengting’s lungs mere seconds ago. 

zhengting grinned at how filthy the action was while xukun was trying to not get addicted to it. 

_they were one in more than one way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these lovers are driving me insane... I love reading all the comments you guys write so thank you and I hope this chapter took you on a good ass ride!


	19. on my skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zhengting has a very interesting idea to keep xukun with him forever

“stop eating my food!” xukun whined when zhengting licked his ice cream.

“it’s good!” zhengting giggled. “it’s even better when I can taste you on it.”

xukun blushed for some reason as he stuffed his face with his ice cream before zhengting could finish it. 

“slow down!” zhengting laughed at xukun who had ice cream on the side of his lips, zhengting licked it off with a smirk on his face. 

“stop it seriously!” xukun whined when he felt himself getting affected by the other’s actions. 

“sorry it’s just that everything tastes better when you’re involved.” zhengting held xukun’s hand as they continued to walk down the street on their supposedly little date. 

zhengting spotted something so interesting before his eyes lit up and xukun looked at him with questioning eyes. 

“kun tell me you’re gonna agree!” zhengting begged. 

“depends on what!” xukun laughed. 

“just say yes.” zhengting gave him a cute face.

“fine, yes.” xukun shrugged and zhengting dragged him towards a store.

“let’s get matching tattoos!” zhengting pointed at the tattoo place.

“what? no!” xukun shook his head furiously already feeling nauseous at the thought of needles digging into his skin.

“please kun, I’ll get your name tattooed on me.” zhengting kissed his lips to comfort him and xukun liked the idea of his name being tattooed on zhengting’s beautiful skin.

“I’ll get your name tattooed on me too.” xukun spoke hesitantly before zhengting kissed him again with the biggest smile on his face. 

 

“fuck!” xukun hissed with tears slowly brimming his eyes. 

“distract him.” the tattooist spoke to zhengting who nodded fast and held xukun’s hand and kissed his cheeks. 

“you’re doing well.” zhengting kissed his lips and xukun closed his eyes trying to get lost in his own world with zhengting only. “I can’t wait to get to your house and kiss the pain away.” 

“zhengting stop with the kissing topic.” xukun smiled painfully.

“where do you want me to kiss you?” zhengting whispered as he caressed xukun’s hair to distract him from the needles poking his hip bone.

“everywhere.” xukun whispered with half closed eyes, the dim light was blinding and he could barely see zhengting.

_but he could feel him being carved onto his skin._

 

zhengting grinned at his tattoo in the mirror, _蔡徐坤_ was carved beautifully on his hip bone while xukun had _朱正廷_ on his. 

“so beautiful.” zhengting whispered with a warm smile on his face as he hugged xukun from the back. “I’ll have you with me no matter how far I will be.” 

xukun gulped with tears almost falling out at how much he loved zhengting.

“you will not ever be far from me.” xukun shook his head.

“just in case anything ever happens, I will forever cherish this tattoo and this day.” zhengting kissed his lips softly. “I will cherish you forever.” 

xukun hugged him so tight feeling uneasy deep down in his heart. 

they heard hard knocking on the door downstairs before yanchen’s voice yelled. “xukun open the door!” 

“fuck.” xukun rolled his eyes as zhengting’s grip loosened on him. “it was supposed to be us only today.”

“it’s okay, let’s go down stairs.” 

 

“oh my god, it’s a nice surprise that church- zhengting is here!” yanchen smiled at zhengting who was half naked and staring at him. 

“we are sorry if we interrupted something.” ziyi looked at them both.

“you kinda did, but it’s okay.” xukun sat next to yanchen as his shirt drifted up a little exposing his tattoo.

“is this a tattoo?” yanchen gasped and ziyi came to examine it. 

“zhu zhengting?” ziyi looked at xukun like he was crazy. 

“does zhengting have one too?” yanchen looked at zhengting who nodded with a cigarette between his lips, he stood up and lowered his jeans a little to expose his tattoo. 

“that’s really... hot.” yanchen gaped at them both. 

“I know.” zhengting nodded as he inhaled more poison to his lungs. “I need to go to church now.” he turned off his cigarette before he walked up to xukun and kissed him wet, passionate, slow. ziyi and yanchen were watching with wide eyes.

_fascinated in his way of living._

zhengting buttoned up his white shirt carefully to hide the many layers of sins he had in him.

_he was going to get purified._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zhengkun matching tattoos is a CONCEPT... the devil in you might be coming to an end soon :(


	20. exposure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she knows, huiyin knows.

for one week zhengting couldn’t see xukun outside school because his parents decided he wasn’t going to church enough.

he couldn’t even speak to him when he was home because xukun still had no phone. 

so after his english class zhengting brushed off huiyin to look for xukun, who he found in one of the many corridors of their school, standing with a bunch of his friends. 

“xukun,” zhengting tapped his shoulder as many eyes traveled to them. “we need to talk.” he whispered.

xukun turned to look at zhengting and nod at him so fast before he let himself follow him to wherever he was going. 

zhengting opened the door to an empty classroom and dragged xukun inside with him. 

“what do you wanna talk about?” xukun placed his arms around zhengting lazily.

“nothing I just miss you so much.” zhengting looked down as he took a deep sigh, _he was troubled and he needed xukun to heal him so much._

“we can wait a little longer until they let you off a bit.” xukun spoke about zhengting’s parents.

“they won’t fucking ever let me live xukun.” zhengting hissed at xukun who had a disappointed look on his face.

zhengting was mad, frustrated, tired and he could let it all out on xukun who was there for him.

so he attacked his lips like he hadn’t eaten for a decade and xukun whimpered in pain at the rough lips and teeth attacking his own. 

“please allow me to ravish your body today.” zhengting spoke with dark eyes before he pinned xukun on one of the many desks in the classroom, holding both his arms on top of his head. 

“what if- somebody came in?” xukun shut his eyes tightly as zhengting was biting harshly on his skin, palming him through his pants roughly.

“I don’t care.” zhengting breathed, grabbing xukun’s face to look him in the eyes. “tell me you want me so bad, beg for it kun, like a little good boy.” 

xukun moaned at the way he was being spoken to before zhengting palmed him harder. “use your words kitten.” 

“I want you very bad, please.” zhengting shook his head, not pleased. “please zhengting, fuck me so hard that I can’t even feel anything other than you for the rest of my life.” 

zhengting smiled for half a second before his eyes turned dark again, turning on xukun even more, scaring him maybe. 

“good boy.” 

their pants were huddled at the bottom of their feet as zhengting gripped xukun so tight in his veiny hand, xukun was so damn hard it was too painful when zhengting let his cock go, he whined and begged zhengting to do something.

“you look so pathetic, all for me.” zhengting grinned at his lover who was suffering.

 _he looked like a devil._

xukun was weak and thrashing his wide open legs that zhengting was between, zhengting came back to his sanity for a second when he saw xukun crying and the pained expression on his face because of his hardness that zhengting did nothing about.

“fuck, sorry baby.” zhengting wiped his tears away before he touched him again.

but his sanity was gone again when he was inside him, roughly moving his hips inside xukun who was biting his lip so hard it drew blood. 

_he loved the pain._

“my one and only baby.” zhengting smiled as his hand creeped to xukun’s neck to put some pressure on his blue veins. 

xukun felt lightheaded as zhengting continued to tear his body apart, choke him and kiss him. 

“say my name.” zhengting thrusted deeply in xukun.

“z-zhen,” zhengting thrusted deeper. “zhengting!” 

“yes that’s right.” zhengting nodded like a maniac as he kissed xukun’s lips that tasted like pure blood. 

_he fucked xukun like it could be the last time._

 

“come for me.” zhengting whispered and xukun didn’t hold on for another second, he came with hands gripping on zhengting’s hair tightly, ruining the tattoo on his hip bone with white. 

zhengting breathed hard on top of xukun who was trying to catch his breath, chest heaving up and down wildly. 

“I love you.” zhengting reminded him softly but before xukun could mumble the word back the door swung open. 

 

 _”what in god’s name!”_ huiyin yelled, tears pouring out her eyes.

_she knows._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAAAAAAT THE HELL HAPPENED........ SEE YOU IN CHAPTER 21


	21. run away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> running away was never easy

huiyin cried hysterically as both xukun and zhengting put back their clothes messily and fast.

“huiyin, listen!” xukun yelled with a shaky voice. “if you care about zhengting don’t tell anybody!”

huiyin looked at them with red eyes. “I can’t believe you!” she spat at zhengting who was staring at her blankly, mind so empty and heart beating slowly.

_this was his end._

“you’re a sinner! you’re going to hell!” she looked at him disgustingly.

“I know.” zhengting mumbled before a tear escaped his eye. 

and xukun almost killed her for telling all these hurtful things to zhengting.

“shut up!” xukun hissed at her trying to keep her quiet. “don’t talk to him like that!”

“is this your god damn boyfriend now? I knew you changed the last couple of months!” she looked at xukun with bloody eyes. “you’re a disgrace to your family and everyone.”

zhengting let out a laugh as more tears continued to fall out his eyes, xukun almost ran to him and hugged him.

“please don’t tell anybody you don’t know what might happen to zhengting!” xukun begged on his knees and zhengting felt like he was shot in his damn heart for ever letting xukun go there. 

“I know what’s gonna happen to him.” huiyin wiped her tears. “he’s going to hell and I’m glad he is.” she said bitterly before she ran away from them.

“she’s gonna tell everyone!” xukun cried on his knees before zhengting hugged him with rush.

“I need to go now, don’t follow me.” zhengting whispered. “I’ll meet you later in your house.”

he said before he ran so fast to his house. 

_heart beating._

_and tears silently falling._

 

zhengting sneaked into his room and locked the door silently even though he knew both of his parents were working and the house was empty, but still he was scared.

with shaky hands he took all the money he saved up, snatched a bag to put some clothes in, he took off his cross necklace and threw it on his bed, he didn’t have anything much that meant to him in this room. 

he looked at the place he grew up in before he ran outside his room, his house. 

_and soon his town._

 

_huiyin told everybody._

zhengting threw his buzzing with calls phone somewhere far so nobody could locate him before he ran to xukun’s house. 

his lungs were tired from running so much but he knew he had little time to meet xukun because soon everybody was gonna come to his house to get him.

_to punish him._

“you’re here!” xukun was waiting for zhengting outside his house, zhengting pulled him inside as his bones never stopped shaking. 

zhengting looked at him like it was the last time, he kissed him like it was the last time, tears blended into the kiss. 

“I- love y-you.” zhengting sobbed feeling like his heart was bleeding.

“I’m gonna leave with you.” xukun showed zhengting his bag that was also full of the money he had saved up from his part time job and a couple of clothes.

“y-yes l-let’s go t-together.” zhengting cried but panic ate him alive when he heard his father’s voice yelling outside trying to break the door on them. 

xukun pulled zhengting to the kitchen so fast he gave him the other bag then he pushed him outside the tiny window, zhengting struggled to get out the space.

_but he managed to escape._

_xukun did not._

_someone broke in._

“get out!” zhengting cried so hard as he tried to uselessly pull xukun. 

“leave, I will distract them.” xukun whispered before he kissed zhengting, _one last time._ “I will see you!” xukun smiled hopefully but he was dying inside.

“no! get out please!” zhengting pulled him even more but it wasn’t working, his tears blinded his vision as the voices of his family became louder inside the house. _very damn close._

“leave if you love me!” xukun half yelled with a tight chest, before zhengting hesitantly moved on his feet.

“I fucking love you cai xukun!” zhengting cried loudly before he ran on shaky legs after he heard his father’s voice yelling. 

_”where is he! I will kill that possessed sinner!”_

zhengting ran so fast feeling like he left a piece of him behind, he stopped to look at xukun’s house one last time.

_shall he go back?_

something yelled at him to go, _to stay alive to meet xukun again._

he ran as the sun was setting, he ran between the trees to get out of this town, his lungs were crying for oxygen, his limbs were almost giving up. 

_his heart was bleeding._

_his lover was left behind._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG? :( spam with comments and cry with me because I burst crying while writing this


	22. perhaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> perhaps zhengting had lost xukun forever or perhaps he didnt

zhengting woke up when the sunlight creeped from the half open curtain, it was another morning to worry and look for that someone.

to be honest zhengting regretted his life choices from _three years ago,_ he regretted leaving xukun on that day because finding him again was almost impossible.

 _it was impossible._

zhengting looked outside his window at the very big city, big country, big world. 

_where was xukun?_ he would ask himself everyday, _was xukun alright, was he eating, was he, was he..._

_was he alive?_

zhengting thought that he had really lost xukun, and he wouldn’t ever meet him again.

 _maybe his thoughts were right._

 

“you really don’t have to overwork yourself, zhengting.” yixing spoke with that considering voice of his. 

_zhang yixing._

really, that guy saved zhengting on one night he was singing in the bar he used to work at to collect money, yixing had heard him, loved his voice, believed in his talent to take him in his company and teach him more about music and let him practice everything he ever dreamed of. 

_but his dream wasn’t complete without xukun._

yixing noticed the sad look on zhengting’s face. “you will find him.” he whispered and zhengting looked up with hopeful eyes. 

“really?” his voice was low and unsure.

“I know you will find him.” yixing smiled. 

 

the tattoo on zhengting’s hip bone was a reminder to zhengting to never give up on looking for xukun who could be anywhere right now. 

zhengting would often cry when he remembered the days he had xukun beside him. he regretted not ever telling xukun where he was going, but to be real, zhengting didn’t even know where he was going to escape to that damned day he had to leave xukun behind. 

but now he was in beijing and slowly growing up without xukun. 

_his love was robbed from him._

 

zhengting didn’t know if it was a good idea to be back in his old town, but he still did it for xukun, to find him.

he walked in the unchanged streets that yelled hateful curses at him, that reminded him of his dark past and the days he still had xukun besides him.

zhengting saw his old house and he saw his little sister chengxiao walking towards it, perhaps he cried behind the tree because he wished everything was different and he wasn’t hiding from her now, he wished he still had good family to embrace him, to accept him, to love him. 

he wanted to yell her name and hug her, tell her he was still her brother even if he changed and left, ask her if she was living well, if she still respected him, if his family was alright... but he knew he couldn’t do all of that.

so zhengting walked away so fast feeling himself getting too choked up when he passed all the places that were too old in his memory now, _jongin’s house, the church, his school._

 _xukun’s house._

zhengting knocked on the door as he got reminded of the many times xukun opened the door for him with a wide smile. 

_but now his beautiful smile couldn’t be seen._

because when the door opened, a middle aged woman with a baby on her arm appeared and zhengting gulped his dry throat.

“is c-cai xukun here?” zhengting asked with teary eyes.

“no.” she shut the door on his face.

 _of course he wasn’t._

zhengting backed away as he sat on the opposite side of the street to look at xukun’s house that now had different people living inside it, all their memories were buried away. 

maybe zhengting cried for two hours unstopped before someone tapped on his shoulder and zhengting looked up with panic, afraid it could be someone who was gonna punish him for his past mistakes, _maybe his father?_

“zhu zhengting?” wang ziyi looked at him with surprised eyes. 

“ziyi.” zhengting breathed as he stood up from the ground, his black jeans were dirtied by the dust of the old town.

“zhengting!” ziyi smiled so big. “it has been so long!” ziyi hugged him.

 _zhengting smiled bigger because maybe now he was able to find xukun._

 

“I’m really glad to see you after all this time.” ziyi sipped on his tea as zhengting smiled at him.

“me too.” zhengting wanted to ask about xukun right that moment but he was afraid of what he might hear.

“life has changed, everyone changed so much!” ziyi spoke. “all of your classmates and the seniors now left to study in other places, including me but I came this weekend to visit my family and I’m glad I happened to pass by you!” zhengting nodded with a tug at his heart, he remembered all the people he used to know. 

“do you know that... I’m sorry to tell you.” ziyi spoke. “your father had passed away?”

zhengting shook his head at the new information he never heard of, tears were gathering in his eyes because he wished his father had left this life while still being on good terms with him, even though he hated his father he still felt like he lost something, but it wasn’t bigger than losing xukun, so he held back his tears as he asked with a choked voice. “do you know anything about xukun?”

“man, after you left your family gave him so much shit, they would always blame him for turning you into a sinner or always curse him and pray that god takes his soul.” ziyi spoke and zhengting bit on his lip to prevent himself from crying. “the town only talked about the two of you, so xukun had to leave, it was too much for him to stay here without you with everyone judging him or sympathizing with him.” 

“where did he go?” zhengting was gasping for air. 

“he didn’t tell anybody.” zhengting let out a breath of disappointment, of sadness, _of agony._ “can you believe I haven’t talked to my best friend for almost three years?”

zhengting nodded with a tight throat. _here goes another chance of finding xukun._

“but he left a number,” ziyi opened his phone to look for it. 

“really?” zhengting yelled and everyone in the cafe looked at him weirdly.

“yes, he said to only give it to one person that might look for him, and I suppose that it’s you.” 

when the number was given to zhengting he smiled so big with teary eyes before he hugged ziyi and thanked him too much. 

_perhaps he could find xukun after all these years._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will he find him?


	23. I miss you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s hard for xukun to love this life alone

“what do you like to order?” xukun said with a smile for the hundredth time today, he took the last customer’s order before he was off to home. he wasn’t sure if he could call the little gloomy dorm home, but it had cheap rent in this extremely expensive city.

maybe if he had zhengting with him it would have been better, maybe if zhengting hugged him now he could stop crying in the shower as his tears blended in with the water, maybe the pressure of living life alone was getting too much, and looking for zhengting was getting harder. 

xukun touched his tattoo with pain filling his chest, he missed zhengting, he never stopped loving him, not even for a second. 

_three years_ were very long, very tiring and mentally exhausting for xukun, he wondered where was zhengting every second of the day, maybe they could be in the same city?

_xukun lived on maybe._

xukun sat on his mattress after he pulled his laptop to continue searching for zhengting, he called a hundred number everyday, he called hotels, apartments, jobs, asking if _zhu zhengting_ was there, but unfortunately the city was big, the country was bigger, but his sadness was huger than them both.

_and he cried himself to sleep for another night._

 

xukun didn’t have work that day, so he walked around the streets of shanghai, feeling lonelier than ever when he saw so many people he didn’t know, they were smiling, they were happy, but he lost his happiness long ago when him and zhengting were parted. 

xukun still couldn’t forget zhengting’s shadow as he disappeared the day he ran away, he looked at him until he became a small dot and zhengting’s father yelled so much at him, he still remembered everyone yelling at him for ruining zhengting.

when in fact he didn’t ruin him, he loved him, he let him be who he was. 

_was it a big crime?_

xukun saw someone who looked like zhengting, _maybe it was him!_

he ran so fast to touch the guy’s back. “zhengting!” he breathed.

“dude what the fuck?” the guy glared at xukun. _it was not him._

“sorry.” xukun apologized with a bleeding heart. 

he walked back to his dorm with head hung so low, disappointment haunting him again and again through these years.

xukun sat on his bed that night, staring at his phone, waiting for something he didn’t know, but of course his life was too hopeless for miracles to happen. 

so he prepared himself to sleep, _to maybe cry again._

_but maybe miracles were happening that night._

because he received a text that had his heart beating so damn fast.

_unknown_   
_i miss you._

_address: 3号楼230, beijing_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will he find him? I’m gonna have to say that the next chapter is the last chapter and I’m so so so sad :(


	24. FREEDOM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he never lost his hope to find him, and he never lost his hope to being found.

xukun left everything behind him, he didn’t care about anything but the text he received.

_it had to be zhengting._

when xukun got on the train to beijing he couldn’t stop his shaking hands, he still had many hours to reach his destination but he couldn’t stop thinking about maybe seeing zhengting for the first time in three years. 

he cried and the woman next to him gave him a worried glance but he didn’t care because zhengting’s face was the only thing on his mind, just knowing zhengting was alright and still there for him made him feel extremely emotional, just knowing zhengting still loved him like he did after all these years made him feel like he was reborn again, like he could be alive after his soul died a hundred times. 

xukun fell asleep on the long ride that could lead him to probably see the only person that would ever look for him again, he dreamt about zhengting and he woke up to pray that he would see him in front of his eyes again. 

_one hour._

xukun bit on his lips nervously as he counted the seconds, he held tightly on his phone that had the most important text he received throughout his whole life. 

xukun was hopeful. 

_today could be the cure to his pain._

 

zhengting waited, and he was welling to wait more in his one spot, xukun could be far so maybe that was the reason he was late, he didn’t receive a text from the number he sent his address to, and it made him more nervous thinking of the reason why xukun didn’t text him back, little did he know xukun couldn’t get his shaky fingers to write something to let him know he was well and coming to see him. 

so zhengting waited patiently with eyes looking around him everywhere, searching for one very beautiful person that he missed, that he would cry when he saw him again, his heart was thumping painfully as he waited longer, disappointment creeping to him when he waited more than five hours. 

_but he was welling to wait so much more for xukun._

 

when xukun had reached beijing he walked around and asked everyone around him about the address, so many of them didn’t know, until one man told him exactly where it was. 

so xukun dragged his exhausted limbs and walked to wherever he was told to go.

it was hard to breathe, just thinking about seeing him again made xukun’s knees so week, it made him remember all the sleepless nights he spent hoping for zhengting to be alive and warm, to be safe and sound, to meet him again, embrace him and never let go of him.

half an hour later xukun had reached and looked carefully around him for his lover, with teary eyes he looked at everyone’s strange faces praying to see only one face. 

on a far bench sat a guy, with his soft brown hair, skinny jeans, and white shirt, even though xukun could only see his back but the guy’s milky skin was too familiar, xukun’s heart beat so crazily because only from his back he could tell it was him. 

_it was zhengting and xukun couldn’t be wrong._

so xukun walked towards him with his legs slowly giving up, three years of looking for him were coming to an

 

_end._

 

zhengting looked at his watch, he was scared that xukun might never come, maybe the number was never his in the first place, maybe xukun was not alright, maybe he didn’t have money to come here, maybe he no longer cared about him or maybe-

“zhengting.” 

zhengting stared at the ground not able to move his eyes or even answer to his name being called. 

because he knew that one voice more than anything. 

more than the sound of his own crying voice that was carved into his mind everyday.

_his mind was playing tricks on him._

_wasn’t it?_

“zhu zhengting,” a hand touched his shoulder and zhengting looked at the person, to confirm that it was probably another dream of his. 

but his breath got stuck in his throat when xukun looked at him with red eyes before he sobbed and tears strolled down his cheeks. 

zhengting looked around him wildly trying to believe everything before he grabbed xukun’s hand to feel it. 

_it was real._

xukun was in front of him, all flesh and bones, all beautiful face and body, and all tears.

“please tell me I found you.” zhengting whispered and xukun cried even more at the sound of zhengting speaking because it was almost erased from his poor memory that suffered for so long. 

“you did.” xukun looked at zhengting’s face, unchanged, beautiful as ever, sadder than ever. 

“xukun,” zhengting touched his face like it was the softest feather on earth, afraid he could hurt him. “I thought I would never meet you again!” zhengting cried loudly before he embraced xukun so fast, so tight to let both of their souls meet again, protect each other again and combine them into one and never separate them.

“I miss you.” xukun held zhengting’s shirt in his fists until his knuckles turned white, his tears were wetting the fabric as zhengting held him tighter afraid of losing him again. 

“I’m here! we’re okay!” zhengting held xukun’s face before he kissed his lips like it was the first time ever, he could taste pain and tears but he could taste xukun from years ago when they were young and clueless about how damn hard life was. 

“you’re still the same.” zhengting whispered with a giggle as his tears continued betraying him. 

“you changed, you’re free now.” xukun whispered as he remembered the hardships zhengting went through to be able to kiss him like that no matter who was watching, not even his father, mother, huiyin could harm him now. 

“my freedom is yours.” 

_”I’m yours.”_

 

zhengting smiled at the most beautiful human he had ever met, zhengting smiled at xukun who was his freedom, his breath of fresh air, and his happiness. 

in this city, they could love each other without the fears of the past haunting them, they were the saints and the sinners of their own world, but nobody was there to judge them or chase away their love.

_because it was not a sin._

_it was their savior._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM IN TEARS? THIS IS THE ENDING WE ALL DESERVE AFTER THIS ROLLER COASTER.... I am so so so happy to announce the end of the devil in you yet I’m extremely sad because I’ll miss it so damn much, it was the most fun thing I’ve ever wrote and all the love and support you guys have given me is unbelievable I truly appreciate it, although I won’t be able to write for a long time now because I have the most important year of my life coming up now, I might come back with something if I could, but until then please don’t forget me, let’s meet again like zhengkun did <3 I love you so much. 
> 
> that was the devil in you
> 
> by yours truly: sugarnation

**Author's Note:**

> THIS WAS SOMETHING! PLEASE TELL ME YOUR OPINIONS! can’t wait for more updates soon and for this new journey together


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